if Ashton saw me or not; I didn’t look their way long enough to know.
And right now, I didn’t want to think about them either. I was still confused by what happened that night in his room. Confused about what it meant for us and me as a…girl, woman, or whatever. I just felt different, even though I couldn’t understand why.
Sleep…
Right now, as the pain dulled, I could finally sleep. I lowered my skully on my face and closed my eyes. The minute I stopped chewing the gum I popped in for takeoff, I knew it was a wrap.
“The Panthers won against Howard last night.”
“Yeah, I heard.”
“They’re doing extremely well.”
“Well, Spencer is the best QB we’ve had in years. I have to give it to the kid, he takes instruction well, knows the game—”
“And commands the respect of his team. They all trust him.”
“Yup. The kid will go far.”
“You know he’s entering the draft in the spring, right?”
“Yes. All of his trainers are lined up for him—hiring pros.”
“Shit. Life’s really going to change for him.”
“Sure is. No more small campus popularity. He’s starting back at zero in the ego department.”
Snickers.
“And that poor Aivery Cooper.”
More snickering.
“She’s gonna have more than NormaJean to reckon with when those groupies start descending from all over the damn globe.”
“Yup. And that’s when these kids get to live in the real world, where love and relationships aren’t conveniently harvested on a cozy, elite HBCU campus.”
I didn’t sleep the entire flight back to school.
I rubbed the blur from my eyes. Staring at algebra equations for chemistry shit could cross them for you. That and being tired as hell from a long flight last night and having to get up early this morning for class. Sitting with my legs crossed underneath me and papers all around, I tried stretching my arms in the air and winced when a flash of pain from both sides struck. I still couldn’t believe I missed those jabs Rodriquez was setting me up with.
Samantha walking out of the bathroom wearing a long face stole my attention. I giggled.
She rolled her eyes at me. “Yeah. Just wait till you get a job you hate.”
That slapped the smile off my face. “Yeah. I’ll hate anything in the j-o-b category.” I nodded. “But you’re off tomorrow and the day after, though.”
“Both of which days, I plan to sleep my ass off.”
“I ‘on’t think Dre’ll like that.”
She blushed. Like…literally blushed. I knew what blushing looked like, and even with Samantha being mixed, she could still blush.
Rolling her eyes again, she slammed herself onto her bed across from mine. “You think he really likes me?”
“Didn’t he tell you he did?”
“Yeah, but how many of ‘me’ are there.” She groaned, leaning back. “I don’t know which is more frustrating in the moment: going to work or wondering if I should go there with him.”
My head bounced back. “Is that something you want to do?” She nodded, staring up at the ceiling. I shrugged. “Then do it.”
“I don’t want to ‘do it’ with just anybody. I’ve only wanted to have sex with guys who were my boyfriend.”
My eyes opened wide. “You want to be Dre Erickson’s girlfriend?”
Samantha sat up and screeched, “Not exactly.”
I sighed of relief internally. That was a tall order. Dre may not have been as popular as Ashton, but as one of his best friends, and being single and willing, so many girls were at his feet. For some guys, it was a matter of availability. I wish Ashton being single was my problem.
Had I thought that?
“Then what do you want?”
“I want to have fun, but don’t want to get hurt doing it.” She shoved her arms into the air. “I don’t want to share him, no. But I don’t want to worry about looking like a fool. Look at Ashton and Aivery! He’s committed to that snobbish bitch, although he could have any girl on this campus.” She pointed to me. “Shit. He even tutors and works out with you and stays faithful.”
“Maybe I’m not his type,” rushed from my lips.
Lies are that easy. But was it a lie? Ashton had made that wild confession and did all those…nasty things with me on Thanksgiving, but was still with Aivery. The crazy thing was, I was cool with that. I didn’t want to be my mother. I didn’t want to be the cause of a breakup.
Even if it included the only guy who made me feel like a…female. Like a desired woman.