Our Muted Recklessness - Love Belvin Page 0,176

on the lower deck in the pool. We were all “dipping our feet,” as Karmen called it after dinner. This was girlie shit. Samantha may have been down for it, but I wasn’t. I didn’t want to be here with them. The only exciting prospect of coming to Macen Beach was to be with Ashton. Only, I wasn’t with Ashton. I was with Samantha and ShawnNicole, something I didn’t quite mind until I remembered Aivery, Karmen, Al, Dre, DJ Paulie, Andrea, and Jerome were here, too. And because all these people were here, I couldn’t be with Ashton. I couldn’t even sneak in a moment to find out what was going on with him.

Me: paulie asked me out for a walk. gonna leave in a few.

I pretended to return to the conversation drowning me.

“Yessssss, daaaaawling!” ShawnNicole slapped her palms together then swung her arms in the air with her tongue down to her chin. “I came into my college career with skills and they only got better since being here.” She rolled her spine in a seated dance.

We all laughed at her. Samantha’s head lay on my shoulder as she laughed. She’d come to like ShawnNicole now, too.

“Girl, of course you had some skills before you got here.” Aivery rolled her eyes, smirking. She flicked her hair over her shoulder. “No girl should come into college without knowing how to fuck, unlike some people.” Her eyes and bouncing head brought our attention to Andrea, who sat to the right of her, left for me.

All humor drained from Andrea’s face.

“Damn!” Karmen choked out laughing.

Ashton: Damn

When I looked over to the upper deck, I saw Ashton scratching his head. Then he took a big gulp of his Corona. I groaned internally.

Me: leave your door cracked

To hell with them all. I needed to see about him.

“Wait.” Samantha’s eyes were big. She was tipsy, as most had been since we’ve arrived. “You were a virgin when you started Blakewood State?”

“You mean still is,” Karmen announced, sputtering. She and Aivery found it funny.

“But I thought you and Hakeem McDowell had a thing last year?” Poor Samantha was stirring the pot unintentionally with her curiosity.

I cringed at the mention of Hakeem. Ughhh! He couldn’t look me in the face after that bonfire party homecoming night.

“Ha!” Aivery shouted. “This bitch wouldn’t dribble the ball!” She fell into Karmen laughing.

ShawnNicole shook her head. “Y’all mad weird.”

Andrea rolled her eyes, taking a sip of her drink.

I sat with my mouth open. “So, it’s funny that she’s still a virgin?”

“Let’s rewind. It’s funny that she came to college a virgin and is still a virgin.” Aivery pretended to pull her hair out. “I don’t know what I would do if I found myself in college and ain’t never have an orgasm or my pussy caressed.” She made heavy emphasis on her Ss like the mother on the old Tia and Tamara sitcom.

Again, Karmen found that funny. Andrea tried focusing her attention to the other end of the pool. Familiar with being picked on and singled out, I saw her shrinking where she sat.

“You okay, Andrea?” I asked. “Maybe we should change the subject to make sure everyone’s comfortable.”

“What should we talk about?” Aivery asked. “Your rich boyfriend?” She took a sip of her drink. “Shiiiit. Even after all that, Andrea’s still gonna be a shriveled up pussy.” The girls found that funny, too.

I’d had enough. Standing on the step of the pool, I offered, “Andrea, wanna leave this cesspool of toxicity some like to call friendship?” I offered her my hand.

“Oh, hell no! Andrea knows we’re just fucking with her,” Karmen hissed. “You don’t know shit about how we get down.”

I wanted to ask her if how she gets down with Aivery was by trying to date her boyfriend, but decided against drama.

“Oh, knock it off, dog!” Aivery rolled her eyes. “We can clown anybody for anything we want. You’re not a part of our crew. You got a pity invite, then had the nerve to invite your mutt friend. We’re just joking here. She knows it’s weird. You know it’s weird, too!”

“Weird!” My head fell to the side. “Weird? Nah. What’s weird about waiting? There’s nothing wrong with going to college with your virginity. I had my first kiss, orgasm, and fuck this school year—and in that order, to be real with you. So if I’m weird and you’re not, I’m good with that. I don’t wanna be anything you are.”

I extended my hand to Andrea again. She glanced

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