Our Muted Recklessness - Love Belvin Page 0,146

with a few of the bartenders and a piano guy, rallied the streets of Newark for the best dancers, singers, and biggest slangers to come in for a night. Thank our lucky stars, they loved it and kept coming. The owner still didn’t believe and had lost interest by then, but still came in to collect the proceeds. Child, I cleaned, ran the numbers, hired and fired, greeted people coming and going, and everything in between.”

I handed him my empty glass for more. “So, that means you greeted Mr. Robert when he came in.”

Jimmy put out his shrunken cigarette, then took my glass to pour more. “This is true.” His voice was low, blue. “I tried to calm myself enough to read him for the first hour. I thought he was straight at first. He hid himself so well. But when he kept looking at me with those hopeless eyes that were dark and filled with muted pain, I eventually realized there was a connection.”

“What connection?” I giggled. “Did he say anything?”

Jimmy shook his head. “He didn’t have to, but he did eventually, which confirmed it all.”

“What did he say?”

He handed me the glass with a little more scotch than the first. “Sip that slower than the first. It’ll be your last, dear heart.” Snapping in line with an elder, I nodded, promising to obey. “By the end of the night, the club was closed down and Robert was still there, telling me about his overbearing, hyper-religious mother who was making demands on his life he felt were unfair and unnatural.”

“Like what?”

“Wanting a grandbaby.” His lips were pursed as he nodded, eyes still to the floor. “Robert didn’t want to be a father. He wanted to be the biggest burger slinger in the world. He wanted to commit himself to work, not to a traditional family. That was until the girl he had been “entertaining” to mollify his mother, told him she was pregnant a few days before he showed to my club. He was torn…in pain. I let him dump it all on me, knowing he saw no future with us. The next morning when he left my basement apartment without the eggplant colored tie, Robert said he was going to do the right thing with the young woman.”

“Ms. Wanda Lee,” I concluded.

Jimmy nodded his head. “So when Mr. Vandross came in and sang that song, it was like putting the last damn nail in the coffin of hope for me.” His beetle face turned to finally look at me. “I fell in love with that man that first night when his heart was broken.”

“Did he keep in touch?”

“Marginally.” His face lifted in a miserable grin that twisted my heart. “He tried the first year of his son’s life to keep up the lie. He appeared in my bed sparingly, buying me expensive gifts, sending me on extravagant vacations. But he never met me in truth.”

“Until?”

“Until the lie almost killed him. By the time Ashton turned three, Robert had lost massive weight, grew out hair all over—looked nothing like the debonair “straight” man who strolled into the juke joint. He was about to lose controlling interest in the company to one of his partners because Robert wasn’t tending to the needs of the business. He was rude to his partners and employees. Just incorrigible!” Jimmy shivered.

“And it wasn’t just with work. He was cold to me. Called me all types of names and was rude to me, but could never stay away. It was miserable. So…” He took a deep breath. “I told him to leave my little basement apartment on Mill Street. He had a posh condo in Garret Mountain. Why was he so comfortable in my humble spot anyway? It was over. I couldn’t deal with the abuse—and never mind the lie.”

I took another sip, too eager for more to react to the burn. “But you ended up together.”

“Because he finally told his mother to go fuck off, dear heart. The worst part of it was telling Ms. Wanda Lee the full truth. She’d suspected Robert was gay, but he denied.” Laughter spit from his lips and Jimmy hung his head, cracking up. “Child, Wanda Lee is a goddamn spitfire. She set his condo on fire.”

“What?” My mouth hung open.

Jimmy laughed, nodding that I’d heard right. “Almost burned that shit down!”

“Anybody get hurt?”

He tried sipping his drink, taking a while to swallow it down because he was still laughing. “No.” Jimmy shook his head again. “No one

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