That news hit me like a bag of bricks. I remember Ashton saying he’d be training for a couple of weeks in Jersey next month and then after, he had a few football events, but I forgot he’d be done, done. Permanently leaving campus in less than two weeks?
I caught his eyes falling after looking at me. He swirled the wine around in the glass. What was that about?
I scratched the back of my head, stuck, but feeling like I should say something. “I’m sure Aivery ain’t gone like that.”
Why did I say that? I knew Ashton hated when I brought her up like that. He said they broke up, and I should have respected that. But it was hard to.
He leaned closer toward me while sitting on the edge of the lounge chair. “What do you tell your roommate when you leave my bed? Do you tell her your ‘boyfriend’ blew your mind with orgasms? Did you tell her when you were deflowered last weekend and how you took my dick like a G?”
That shit stung. And not because of how he attempted to make me feel used, but because he wanted to upset me. I knew I shouldn’t have brought up Aivery, but damn.
My head shook and words fell in a whisper as I looked him dead in the face. “I didn’t tell her anything.”
“Why not?” he shot back as quick as a pistol.
I rolled my eyes away, feeling bruised. “Because I can’t tell anybody.”
Ashton didn’t try for a comeback and I was grateful. This thing between us was out of control, at least for me. I didn’t want to fight him over it. A million things ran through my mind, mainly about these being my last days with him.
The lyrics to the track playing began to slip into my thoughts. I knew the song. It was a woman whose name wouldn’t come to me right away. But the energy of it commanded my attention. The flash memory of driving down Delsea Drive with my mother blasting a song she sang from her gut came to mind, then the artist’s name did, too.
Kelly Price…
It was about a secret relationship. An affair between two people who can’t even share it with their friends. It was supposed to be temporary, but they caught feelings. Absorbing the lyrics, I didn’t realize I’d been listening for much of the song.
My eyes met Ashton’s and it hit me.
That’s the name of it. “Secret Love!”
It’s out in the open our cover is blown…
I watched his eyes circle as he processed the sound. It had to be because of the wine, but tears welled in my eyes. My mother.
I’m not my mother…
Ashton dropped the glass on the cemented floor, quickly stood to pull me to my feet and before I could speak, he kissed me. Grabbing me by my damp ass and the back of my head, he pulled me into his hard, hairy chest and took my tongue, holding it hostage. His mouth and tongue… It was like they said shit he couldn’t speak like a normal human. But then again, I wasn’t a normal human either. I communicated things to him I didn’t have the heart to say, just like I did the first time I went down on him in the therapy room.
When he pulled me up by the hips, I knew what time it was and wrapped my legs around his waist. I circled my arms around him, my tits pushing into his chest and shoulders. We were here again. Ashton said something mean and I was trembling with need for him, like a needy puppy. A big part of me didn’t care. He couldn’t break me or make me feel shame for understanding he still wanted me this way after telling him all of my ugliness. The darkness.
The water didn’t feel as cool when my feet hit it, then my legs and ass. He sat down on the steps with me on his lap. My bikini top was off without warning, then his mouth was on my titties, pulling them together in his hands.
“You’re built with perfection,” he whispered in between licks. “You’re such a fuckin’ baddie.” Ashton sounded like he was in pain, like he did during sex.
My back arched helplessly, breasts going into his greedy sucks. The sensation was too much, making my head fall over his, my fingers digging into the skin over his hard, round muscles.