He combed his hands through his sandy blond hair. Trisha and I laughed at the same time. “I’ve learned a lot from you, and I’m looking forward to learning more.”
“Are you guys gonna get another girl fighter here?” I asked.
“We hope to. We’ve been looking at a few,” Trisha explained. “But none really have the skills you have.”
“So that means more supplemental work we’d have to provide on our side,” Collin added. “We still have time. We still have you to work with, too. A.D. Jones seems to like the idea of having an undefeated fighter on the Panthers roster.” He looked across the table to Trisha for help. “I don’t think any of the male fighters hold that record.”
Trisha shook her head. “Reggie Laws did until last month.” Her eyes fell again, making me nervous. “Can I ask a question and have you be totally honest with me?” I nodded. Still, Trisha hesitated. “I’ve been struggling with this for three months because of what the possible answer could be, but in the spirit of your—” She motioned my way with her forehead. “—own admission to self-evolution, I have to ask.” Her eyes brushed against Collin’s again. “That night…back in September when I took you out to dinner with my friends… Why did you leave the way you did? How did you even get back to campus?”
My heart dropped. I didn’t want to discuss that night ever again either. And not because it was all that bad, it was just another time a stupid human attempted to decide my sexuality for me. It didn’t go too far. I was just happy it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. But I owed it to her to be honest.
“Your friend tried to…”
“Victoria...” She breathed like she knew.
I nodded. “She made me feel crazy uncomfortable.”
“What exactly did she do, Tor?” Collin leaned into the table.
I shrugged, only able to look at the table for long sprints. “She asked for my number.”
They both sighed. Collin’s eyes fell and Trisha dropped her head into her hands.
“That’s it?” Trisha asked, wanting more with her face still buried.
Collin asked, “Did she say why?”
“To tell me the meaning of my name, but I know how the bullshit goes. I know how she looked at me, why she licked her lips.”
“Of course, you do!” Collin made clear.
“Honey, we all know the signs. I’m just sad you experienced that while with me. I took you out that night to make you feel protected and like you were welcome. The last thing I wanted was for you to be approached in a manner that made you feel uncomfortable. I will address Victoria with a firm tone.”
I shook my head. “Don’t sweat it. It wasn’t that serious. Yeah, it was fucked up, but…” I pulled in a breath, deciding on my words. “She didn’t touch me. She may have gotten me to give up my number, but she never called and she didn’t…” I shook my head. “Look. I know real monsters. People who make you do shit that’s gross. Shit you don’t wanna do. Shit you can’t tell anybody because it’s just that nasty. That bad.” Feeling a boldness I’d never felt before, I was able to look Trisha in her face. “I know that kind of shame and darkness. Your girl was wrong about me. She thought something about me that ain’t true. The cool thing about it is, I didn’t know how wrong she was that night. But being here…at Blakewood, I know now she was wrong as hell.” I didn’t like girls. I may not have been sure I liked all guys either, but I did one. I liked him enough to feel safe.
“Being here?” Collin asked.
A BBM came through and embarrassed me, I dragged my Blackberry down to my lap.
Ashton: Tell me you have a bathing suit, preferably a bikini.
I turned to him and shook my head. “I… When I was younger, I had some things happen to me. It was gross. One of the people got locked up over it, but it still had me messed up. I can’t say I’m not…messed up anymore, but I feel like…” I hated that I couldn’t grab the words needed to express what I felt. Shit. This semester had been the most I’d been able to share with strangers. I never talked about those dark times. Ashton was the first stranger I was able to tell since Paul was arrested and locked the hell up. “This ain’t