in the corner to do this mind trick thing I used to do to make me manage my…emotions. I would like…go deep in my head and try to switch my thinking somehow—it’s weird and hard to explain.” She rolled her eyes in defeat. “Anyway, the sounds of my Margaret shouting pulled me out of my head. She busted through my bedroom door and snatched me up. When she spoke to the police who came to her trailer to take the report, she told them she was coming to drop off food and saw Paul walking away from my room, fixing his pants. She said if he didn’t look so spooked, she wouldn’t have thought much right away. But she knew, and that’s when she busted into my room and found me.”
“Was he arrested?”
Tori nodded. “They took him. And my misery turned up a notch.”
“How?”
“Because I had to convince my mother of what he’d been doing to me for over a long ass time and fight his daughters, who were mad at me for getting him locked up, too.”
I couldn’t listen anymore. Her trauma colored me dark. I didn’t want to spend too much time there. Murderous thoughts hijacked my mind. These people were still alive and well. Tori was now insecure, angry, admittedly strange, and untrusting. Those attributes muted her bright mind, caring spirit, beautiful sexuality, and ability to hope beyond being invisible to the world. The shit may have been irreversible.
I pulled her close to me, needing her to warm my chilled body. Defeat from not being able to do this for her until she saw in herself what I saw was physically painful for me in that moment. Who had her back before me was unknown. But right now, I wanted to have her back here at BSU. I could do it. It would be in the only way I believed Tori’s rugged heart would let me, but I’d do it as long as I possibly could.
“Yo, that shit was heavy,” the girl whose name I couldn’t remember exhaled as we shuffled out of class, shoulder to shoulder. She was a freshman like me, but lived in the Winnie dorm. It was weird that I’d kept that insignificant piece of information about her in mind. But that was because Aivery and Karmen lived in that dorm building. And my every thought or feeling about BSU revolved around that corny crew. “Congrats on not getting pregnant?”
Those were the words of Professor Jennifer Bingham just before class ended. It was the end of the semester and, therefore, the last full lecture day for the Start to BSU Life class. Next week, our final paper was due. It had to be on the experience of our first semester here. We’d started two weeks ago, and I hated it. I preferred papers that didn’t allow for so much of our opinions. I wanted to be told exactly what to write, like in high school. Ashton told me Blakewood was shaping the minds of its students, and giving us a voice to develop and express our opinions did that. When I told him I didn’t have many opinions that were appropriate for papers, he said I would have lots by the time I graduated here.
Still hate it…
“Hey, you struggling with the paper?” The girl’s turning into me forced me to stop just at the stairway.
“Monicaaaaa!” Some guy with tight curls dyed blond sang to the girl from down the hall. You could see the hearts shooting out of his eyes for her.
“Oh, hey, Hershel.” Her voice was less expressive. She turned back to me quickly. “It’s kicking my ass. And having to study for my finals on top of that is choking me. You, too?”
I shrugged. “I haven’t started the paper yet.”
Her eyes went wild. “You haven’t even started?” I shook my head. “We can exchange numbers and get together to study. I, at least, have an outline. Maybe we can help each other.”
I felt my head shaking before she could finish her sentence. “I got a partner already.” Then I felt bad about the obvious rejection. “My training schedule’s still crazy. It’s hard finding the time.”
“Oh. Okay.” She wasn’t convinced, and I didn’t have the time to explain more.
I had a meeting to get to.
“I’ll see you later.”
When I was headed toward the stairway, DJ Paulie was coming up. I could tell he was coming my way, so I stopped.
“Hey.” His goofy smirk made me want to laugh, but I didn’t.