something, felt something, when I slipped from the echo back into the real world. That song was in me. If I was right, if I could use it—
The Six-Wing started toward us. I grabbed Liam’s hand, held it tight, and focused on that vibration. It wasn’t something I felt, it was something in me, something emanating from my body. It was mine and I seized it, changed it, acting on instinct. Get me away from here. Get me out, I thought, and the hum grew higher-pitched, sliding out of synch with that hideous song, and then—
The mist rushed away like a sigh, and the Six-Wing with it.
I sank to my knees with a cry of relief. Liam reeled back, staggering in a quick circle. No dark angel, no mist. Just the island, and the bright white, perfect wings of birds gliding and wheeling above us, calling contentedly to one another.
“Are we out?” Liam said. “Did we get out of that place?”
“Yes,” I said. “Look around.”
“But how can you be sure?” he demanded. I opened my mouth to answer and realized I didn’t have an answer. Except that I could feel it—hear it—in my bones.
“We’re safe,” I told him, which wasn’t exactly true. “We got out. And there’s the boat.”
I pointed down the slope. The other skiff was gone, the LARC boat in its place. And Kenny stood on the beach beside it, equipment heaped next to him, speaking into a radio. I’d lost its match somewhere along the way. But he spotted us and waved frantically.
Liam was staring at a patch of hillside. The place where Lily had fallen. He walked toward it.
“She’s not there,” I said softly, but if he heard me, he didn’t respond. I followed, trailing behind him. He crouched down and pressed his hand against the smooth hillside.
Liam looked up at me. “How are you not . . . ?” he asked. He gestured around him, but I knew what he meant.
How was I not a complete mess? How was I not paralyzed with fear and confusion and the utter wreck that reality had become?
“There’s nothing we can do now.”
“Don’t you at least feel bad?” Liam demanded, rising suddenly. I took a step back, startled. “Doesn’t it bother you? She died right in front of you and you’re acting like you don’t even care.”
“Of course I care,” I said. And I did. But it was knowledge, not emotion. I knew that Lily shouldn’t be dead, that it was tragic, that I wished I could have done anything to help her. I just didn’t hurt yet.
That would come later.
“You’re not acting like you care. Fuck! I can barely breathe. I want to scream. I want to tear my bloody skin off because this feeling hurts so fucking much and you’re standing there cool as a fucking cucumber!”
I stared at him. His face was reddened with anger. Maybe most of it wasn’t really meant for me, but some of it was, and maybe I deserved it.
“Hey!” Kenny was calling to us from down below. I turned away from Liam and headed toward the boat, my cheeks hot. He thought I was a monster, then. He wouldn’t be the first.
I was halfway down before I heard Liam following. If he wanted to avoid me, he’d have a hard time. Wasn’t like the boat was that big. Unless he wanted to stay here by himself.
“Yeah, I’ve got Liam and Sophia here,” Kenny said into the radio.
“Are they all right?” Dr. Kapoor’s voice was crisp, efficient, without undue emotion. Maybe she and I actually had something in common. The thought struck me as funny—odd things often did when I was emptied out like this. I had the sense not to laugh.
“They look okay,” Kenny said uncertainly. “Hey, where’s Lily and Abby?”
“They’re not coming,” I said. Kenny’s finger was still on the button; Dr. Kapoor had heard me.
There was a long moment of silence. Then, “Mr. Lee, bring my son and Ms. Hayes back immediately.”
Liam didn’t seem to hear. He stared at me with a look I knew well. Like there was something wrong with me. Like my calm, my ability to push away any inconvenient emotion, was freakish.
Like I wasn’t a person at all.
VIDEO EVIDENCE
Recorded by Joy Novak
AUGUST 14, 2003
Novak and Baker draw closer to the others. Martin sees them first and lets out a sound of relief.