2004. 2002. “She’s not here,” I said. I laid my palm flat against the wall between the two photos. “2003. There’s no picture.”
“Maybe they took it down because of the accident,” Liam said.
“You don’t hide the photos of people who died tragically; you memorialize them. Make them more prominent,” Abby replied. “Unless you’re trying to hide something. Erase the fact that they were ever here.”
Liam flicked his lip ring over his teeth in what I was coming to realize was a thoughtful tic. “There are other photos. And employment records,” he said. “I know where they’re kept. But we’re not allowed in there.”
“Liam Kapoor, are you suggesting a daring heist?” Abby asked. “And I thought you were such a fine young man.”
“Oh, I’m trouble,” Liam assured her. She snorted like she didn’t believe him, and he rolled his eyes.
I could only stare at that empty spot on the wall. No wider than the gap between any of the other photos. As if the years had been folded over to make it seem like she had never existed at all. To make her vanish. “We have to find her,” I said softly. I realized my error and cleared my throat. “We have to find proof that she was here,” I said, correcting myself. Because that was the thing I wasn’t allowed to say out loud.
If someone had lied about how she died, could they have lied about more?
How did I know that she had died at all?
It was the hope I did not dare to speak, even silently to myself: my mother might still be alive.
EXHIBIT G
Email correspondence between Dr. Vanya Kapoor and Dr. William Hardcastle
To: Dr. Vanya Kapoor // From: Dr. William Hardcastle // June 23, 2017
Subject: Not Again
What happened? I have about seven messages from Rivers on my voicemail. He’s crying in some of them. And I can’t figure out what the hell he’s talking about other than that he’s quitting. In the middle of the season, which leaves us short-handed.
To: Dr. William Hardcastle // From: Dr. Vanya Kapoor // June 23, 2017
It’s honestly not my fault this time. Maybe I was hard on the kid, but it’s not like that should come as a big fucking surprise. Look, all I know is that on Tuesday evening he was fine and Wednesday he wouldn’t come out of his room. He wouldn’t talk to anyone and he had Nguyen take him back to the mainland the same day.
To: Dr. Vanya Kapoor // From: Dr. William Hardcastle // June 23, 2017
I would say I’d call him and try to smooth things over, but judging by those messages, it’s a lost cause. We’re just going to have to finish the season minus one assistant. Can you handle it?
To: Dr. William Hardcastle // From: Dr. Vanya Kapoor // June 24, 2017
He wasn’t that much help in the first place. We can get through the next couple of seasons without him.
To: Dr. Vanya Kapoor // From: Dr. William Hardcastle // June 24, 2017
Hire a replacement for Rivers. If not this season, then next season. You need better staffing.
To: Dr. William Hardcastle // From: Dr. Vanya Kapoor // June 25, 2017
I wouldn’t need so much staffing if you bothered to spend more time here.
To: Dr. Vanya Kapoor // From: Dr. William Hardcastle // June 25, 2017
Someone has to secure our funding, which isn’t easy given the eccentricities of the Center. And you don’t do public interfacing well.
What do you think happened with Rivers?
To: Dr. William Hardcastle // From: Dr. Vanya Kapoor // June 26, 2017
We both know why you don’t like coming here, and it has nothing to do with funding. Ask Rivers if you want to know what happened.
To: Dr. Vanya Kapoor // From: Dr. William Hardcastle // June 26, 2017
Do you think he went out in the mist?
To: Dr. William Hardcastle // From: Dr. Vanya Kapoor // July 1, 2017
Maybe.
To: Dr. Vanya Kapoor // From: Dr. William Hardcastle // July 1, 2017
What do you think he saw? Do you think he told any of the others?
To: Dr. William Hardcastle // From: Dr. Vanya Kapoor // July 6, 2017
Leave it alone, Will. They don’t know anything, and neither do we.
12
I BARELY GOT through the rest of the day. I might not have at all if I didn’t have the specimen room to lose myself in. I took things out of drawers, put other things into other drawers, and I didn’t think about what I saw, didn’t think about