for a few weeks and get some distance, then come back and let us be there for him when he healed. Even when I said I understood that he might not actually want to be with us once he had some perspective, I couldn’t wrap my mind around the idea of him not wanting us the way we want him.”
Sebastion’s eyes went soft with pity, and Luca hated it as much as he deserved it. “My love…”
“It wouldn’t have mattered if we’d talked about it before. I wasn’t ready to accept that it was over before it even began.” He dragged a hand down his face, then leaned against the counter. “I feel like an idiot.”
Sebastion said nothing as he began to assemble the sandwiches, and Luca appreciated him for it. He needed that moment of silence to gather his emotions, because he didn’t want to make a bigger fool of himself than he already had.
They walked to the table and took the seats at the corner, Luca with his back to the window. It was cozy and sweet, and he wished it had the same power to calm him the way it had a few years back. But he was still so unsettled.
“I don’t think you’re an idiot. I think you have a bigger heart than most people in this world,” Sebastion said. He picked at some of the lettuce poking out from the bread, but he didn’t eat. “I think you have a unique gift for seeing people who might otherwise spend the rest of their lives unnoticed.”
Luca’s heart clenched in his chest. Sebastion had said that to him before once—when they first started dating, and he was still marveling at how much Luca wanted him. It had been a fleeting moment, but he hadn’t realized how profoundly Sebastion meant it until now.
“You are important,” he said fiercely. He put his sandwich down and shifted his chair closer. “You are enough. Me wanting him, me hurting over him being gone isn’t about…”
He went quiet when Sebastion touched his arm. “I know, Luca.” He smiled softly and shook his head. “Your ability to love the way you do doesn’t make me feel inadequate. It makes me proud that you chose me.”
Luca closed his eyes in a slow blink. “I’m an arrogant ass for assuming it would always go both ways.”
“Maybe,” Sebastion said with a smile. “But I think Xan knows he was lucky all the same. I don’t know that his silence means he doesn’t feel the same way, but even if that’s the case, he’s a smart man. Without knowing you long, he understood you were a gift.”
“And you,” Luca growled. When Sebastion’s mouth dropped open for his inevitable argument, Luca leaned over and pressed three fingers over it. “And you.”
Sebastion breathed out through his nose, then he nodded. When Luca dragged his hand away, he sighed and leaned his chin on his hand, elbow propping up his head. “I don’t think we need to lose hope. I just think for now, we need to move on as if there isn’t any.”
“You’re right,” Luca said. He hated those words—hated them. But he knew they were the truth. He knew his husband was right. It was the only way to turn his world right side up again. “And I think I know a way, but I’m not sure you’re going to like it.”
Sebastion raised a brow at him. “Tell me anyway.”
Luca took a fortifying breath, then straightened his shoulders. “I think we need to move.”
Chapter Nineteen
Dear Alexander,
We miss you. I know I haven’t started my letters with those three words in a while, mostly because missing you was causing complicated feelings I wasn’t really ready to address. And Luca was hurting, and I wasn’t sure how to help him since neither of us can ever be sure you’re coming back. But this is the last letter I’m going to write in here, my darling, so it seemed fitting to end the way this began.
We sold the house today. It’s strange to see it go. It was the first thing Luca and I bought together right after we got married. I remember the thrill I felt when we signed papers, knowing that this was us. In hindsight it was ridiculous because we were married, but we’d been sitting on the precipice of being allowed that right for so damn long, it almost felt like we were playing pretend. At any given moment, a vote could change, and we’d lose what