played the metal-detecting wands all over their bodies, paying special attention to their boots and belts, looking for small, hidden firearms. Batman’s metal hand and Twitch’s false leg set off the wands, but no weapons were found.
Finally cleared, Batman gave the boss pirate the letter, handing it to him between the metal clasps of his hook.
“This is from the prince,” he told the pirate. “It contains the conditions we’ve all agreed to.”
The pirate took the letter, put it under his arm, and then looked at Batman’s hand appliance. He asked, “Crocodile?”
Batman shook his head and pointed to the pirate on the railing above and said, “RPG.”
The pirate boss smiled, displaying a set of red-stained teeth. He put his AK-47 in his left hand and held up his right, showing that it was missing its index finger. He laughed and said to Batman, “Crocodile.”
“Unlucky you,” Batman said.
Then, in one swift motion, Batman flicked a six-inch razor out of his hook and slashed it across the pirate’s throat.
At the same moment, Twitch yanked off his prosthetic leg to reveal a twelve-inch-long serrated bayonet. He brought it over his shoulder and down on the second pirate, splitting him open from his chin to his navel.
Gunner and Nolan instantly reached into their crotch areas, the one place they knew the Muslims would not search, and retrieved tiny plastic water guns. Both were filled with ammonia. They fired at the eyes of the third and fourth pirates standing about five feet away, causing both to drop their guns. Two kicks to the scrota, two kicks to the temples, and both pirates were dead.
The pirate up on the railing was looking down on all this in shock. The blood, the screams—it had all happened so fast. He finally pointed his weapon down at the team but hesitated. This gave Crash enough time to pull a Zapper-500 toy dart gun from his crotch, go into a three-point stance, and squeeze the plastic trigger. The dart, sharpened to a razor point, hit the pirate in the throat, puncturing his windpipe. The man gagged horribly, fell over, and drowned in his own blood.
And that’s all it took. In a matter of seconds, the pirates were dead, victims of the Muslim prohibition of feeling another man’s private parts. As a result, the ship and crew were safe. And the prince’s $200-million ransom was still intact.
All without using gunplay.
Sort of.
“Lose the evidence,” Batman reminded them.
Nolan, Gunner and Crash calmly walked to the side of the ship and threw their toy guns over the side.
Then, looking around and seeing a job well done, Batman said, “OK, let’s get some lunch.”
PART TWO
The Other Pirates of
the Caribbean
2
Easter morning
THE FIFTY-FIVE-FOOT LUXURY yacht Mary C was in trouble.
Boaters traveling between Miami and the Bahamas just after sunrise reported seeing the vintage Rybovich sports craft spinning slowly in a circle off North Bimini.
A U.S. Coast Guard HC-130 patrol plane, returning to its base in Clearwater, Florida, flew over the yacht around 8 A.M. and tried to establish radio contact with it, to no avail. Attempts by the Coast Guard liason office in Nassau to contact the yacht also failed.
With most of its assets deployed elsewhere—a large storm had blown through the Bahamas just three days before—the Coast Guard asked any law enforcement agency with a vessel in the area to head for the Mary C and render assistance.
As it happened, a patrol boat belonging to the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Department was just six miles north of the wayward yacht. The twenty-two-foot Boston Whaler, newly purchased by the sheriff’s marine division, was on an early-morning shakedown cruise, checking out its long-range GPS-based navigation system.
The boat had three deputies onboard.
They were sent to investigate.
* * *
THEY FOUND THE Mary C a half-mile west of where it had first been sighted. It had run out of fuel, so it was no longer going in circles. The deputies used a grappling hook to pull alongside, and then two went aboard, climbing onto its stern.
They called out for anyone onboard, but got no response. Three Daiwa sports rods, already baited, hung in place. Obviously some deep-sea fishing had been planned. Nearby, a case of beer was on ice, along with some vodka and orange juice. Somewhere a radio was playing salsa music.
The deputies called out a second time, but again, there was no reply. The sliding door to the expansive cabin was partially open. They peeked inside.
Nothing looked out of place. Breakfast food and coffee sat on a table surrounded by