asked. It hit me that I was sitting in front of him, naked, and in an awkward position.
"Just...looking at you." He came closer and brushed a tangle of hair away from my face. "You're beautiful."
I responded without considering my words as I usually did. "I usually think the same thing about you."
His eyes twinkled and the barest hint of a smile crossed his lips.
I realized what I'd said and lowered my legs to the floor, removing the cloth from between my thighs. I tossed it in the hamper on top of his after I got to my feet. I wasn't sure what to say or do, so I stood in front of him and looked up.
The twinkle in his eye faded when his gaze met mine. "You said we could sleep in my bed if we messed up the comforter. Does that mean I can sleep in here even if it's not?"
Since I couldn't think of a verbal response in an acceptable amount of time, I nodded.
He cupped my cheek. "Then, I'll go brush my teeth and meet you back in here in a few minutes."
He kissed me and disappeared from sight. I stared after him, uncertainty filling me. I had no idea how to navigate this situation.
We were married and had just had sex for the first time since our only sexual encounter nearly four months ago. I was pregnant with his child but we'd agreed the marriage would end at some point.
I rubbed my temples with both hands. My brain hurt just thinking of all this. I should have insisted on outlining expectations completely beforehand. I needed to know what would happen next.
I turned toward the mirror and stared at my reflection. My hair was a mess and my cheeks were pink. I looked relaxed but my mind was anything but.
I took a deep breath and remembered something my grandmother said to me as a child when another little girl on the playground had hurt my feelings by saying she didn't want to play with me.
"You can't control the things other kids say and do, my Lyria." Her dark eyes were gentle and kind as she crouched in front of me. "But you can control your reaction. I know she hurt your feelings and you should acknowledge that. But you have to let it go because it serves no purpose. You can't change her mind or the past. You can only focus on your mind and your future."
At the time, my seven-year-old brain only comprehended about a third of what she was trying to tell me, but as I got older, I remembered those words again and again when I found myself in situations where I was hurt or upset.
It was the same now.
I couldn't control J.J.'s thoughts, emotions, or actions. Only my own. I could choose to work myself up into a frenzy by worrying about it or I could accept what was happening at this moment.
Tonight, at this moment, I wanted to enjoy the afterglow with my husband.
The conversation about what had just happened could wait.
Keeping that thought in the forefront of my mind, I washed my face, brushed and flossed my teeth, and used the toilet while I still had some privacy. With all the water Cam had been pushing on me at work tonight, I felt like I needed to pee every five minutes.
I grabbed my nightgown off the back of the bathroom door and slipped it over my head. When I came out of the bathroom, I almost ran into J.J.
"Oh!" I pressed a hand to my chest. "You scared me."
"Sorry. I waited for a few minutes but you were in there a while."
"Just washing up before bed," I said, skirting around him to the dresser. I opened the top drawer and pulled out a pair of panties.
I could feel him watching me as I slid one leg at a time into them and tugged them up under my nightgown. I yawned again as I tugged the hem down to cover me completely.
"Are you ready for bed?" I asked.
He nodded and went around the bed to the side I didn't sleep on. I was about to climb in when I realized my phone wasn't lying on the nightstand.
"Darn. I need to charge my phone."
"I'll get it," J.J. said, climbing to his feet. "Is it in your bag?"
"On the kitchen table," I answered as I tugged back the blankets and settled beneath them.
I glanced over at the nightstand on the other side of the