it had been before. "Because I might take one out of you, too."
My knees were abruptly weak, and I clung to him with both arms now instead of just my left. "And that would be a bad thing?" I asked.
What was wrong with me? I'd already decided J.J. wasn't a good candidate for my first time. He was Cam's brother. Having sex with him was not a good idea. I didn't want this to be awkward when it was over and though he didn't live in Farley any longer, he came to town often enough that it might get weird.
His arm was tight around me now, his hand cupping the opposite side of my ribcage and holding me completely against his body. I didn't have to hold onto him any longer, but I couldn't seem to force my arms to relax.
J.J.'s eyes dropped from mine as he scanned my face until his gaze was pinned to my mouth.
He looked like he was thinking about kissing me.
And, dear God, I wanted him to.
What in the heck was I doing? I had a plan. However, at the moment, I couldn't for the life of me remember what it was.
For the briefest moment, I thought he was going to close the scant space between us and press his mouth to mine, but he closed his eyes and sighed.
I knew then that he was less than a second away from releasing me and setting me away from his body.
I didn't think I could stand it if he did.
So I took advantage of his closed eyes and did what I wanted him to do.
I kissed him.
Not the gentle, hesitant kisses I'd gotten on the few dates I'd had in college once I'd moved away from my family.
Not even the strange, questioning kisses I'd received the first time I'd kissed a boy. Also in college because, again, my brothers.
I tried to take a bite out of him.
Figuratively speaking, of course.
I tugged his lips with mine, sliding my tongue across his mouth until he groaned and opened it. At the first touch of his tongue to mine, I shuddered against him.
The heat within me exploded into an inferno and the low throb in my abdomen became a sharp ache.
I needed something more.
More than a kiss. More than a touch.
I needed everything.
Thank God, he remembered where we were and who was around us because anyone else in the room, in the town, on the entire planet, had ceased to exist to me.
J.J. released my mouth. "We shouldn't do this here."
A bucket of cold water on my head couldn't have broken the haze of lust any faster than his words. I jerked against him and blinked rapidly as my mind ticked through too many thoughts, one right after the other.
Then, came the emotions. First, surprise because judging from the hard length that pressed against my belly, he seemed just as aroused as I was. Then came the hurt, a swift sting that lost its cutting edge but still ached all the same. Finally, humiliation. I had thrown myself at him, practically mauled him, and he was trying to bow out gracefully.
If I cussed, this would be the perfect time for a well-placed f-bomb.
Unfortunately, I made an effort not to swear unless it was absolutely necessary. Some might argue that this moment qualified, but I didn't.
"I—" I closed my mouth and inhaled, a sharp, quick breath. What on earth was I supposed to say? Sorry I acted like a cat in heat? I opened my mouth again but closed it just as quickly.
There was nothing to say.
"Do you want to go somewhere with me?" J.J. asked. "Somewhere we can be alone?"
My brain ceased to function. All that was left were involuntary acts like breathing and hormones. My hormones managed to control my neck muscles enough that I nodded my head.
J.J. smiled, that same beautiful smile I remembered from adolescence and the rapid thud of my heart slowed a little.
He wasn't rejecting me. He wanted me as much as I wanted him.
J.J. took my hand and led me toward the back door of the party barn. Neither of us looked around as we snuck out the exit. That corner of the building wasn't as well-lit as the dance floor and the area where the tables were set up for dinner. The shadows hid us well.
As soon as the door shut behind us, J.J. pressed me against the side of the building and kissed me again. It was shorter, but no less