neither did he look angry. He actually looked a little hurt by my words. "So, it's one and done, then?" he asked, a bit stiffly.
I sighed, suddenly sad now. I didn't want to hurt his feelings and I hated that I had. I blinked rapidly because my eyes were suddenly damp.
Why was I so emotional all of a sudden?
I wrestled my tears into submission before I spoke again, J.J. watching me closely the entire time.
"If I weren't in school, I would definitely be interested," I admitted, my voice little more than a whisper. He leaned closer as I spoke. "But I'm not in a place where I can afford to be distracted. Literally. I've been saving since I graduated nearly three years ago, and I have just enough money for three semesters. I have to keep working fifty-hour weeks or more this year so I have enough money for the final two semesters before I'll be done."
"You're paying for your degree yourself?" he asked, clearly surprised.
I nodded. "I've paid for both my undergraduate degrees myself. Well, I had several scholarships for undergrad and I graduated in three years instead of four with the first, so I didn't need as much money then. But I'm paying one hundred percent of the tuition, books, and lab fees for grad school. Apparently, I work too much and make too much money to qualify for a lot of grants."
His expression shifted and, if I wasn't mistaken, it was full of respect.
"Damn, uh, wow, Lee. That's amazing. I had no idea. I guess I just figured your parents paid for it or you'd gotten loans."
I shook my head. "No, I didn't want to start my life with tens of thousands of dollars in student debt. I know that's what a lot of people do and they manage it quite well, but I knew I could do it with my undergraduate degrees and I wanted to do it with my MBA, too."
"At the risk of sounding patronizing, I think that's admirable," he said. "And I'm proud of you."
Coming from him, it didn't sound patronizing. It sounded sincere.
I smiled. "Thanks. I'm kinda proud of me, too."
Steph came over to the table then, bringing a tray with his tea and our food on it.
He opened his mouth, as if to tell her he wasn't going to be eating with me after all, but I nudged his ankle with my foot. He glanced at me and I shook my head.
"Thanks, Steph," I said to her. "Everything looks great."
"You're welcome, darlin'. Y'all enjoy your lunch."
She walked away to ring up a customer waiting at the cash register and J.J. turned to me.
"You might as well stay and eat your lunch," I said before he could speak. "Unless your ego is too bruised from my cruel rejection to handle my company any longer."
He grinned at my teasing, that beautiful smile spreading across his face.
"Cruel rejection?" he joked. "That was nothing. You should have heard how often I got shot down in college."
I wanted to ask him more about it, but he said something else that left me speechless.
"Besides, you never said I couldn't try to change your mind."
4
I was right about how life would be with J.J. McClane back in town.
I swear, I saw him everywhere. The cafe, the grocery store, at Crave.
I know that sounds like stalking, but it was truly small-town reality. You couldn't go anywhere without seeing someone you knew and that included men that you'd lost your virginity to. I guess I'd never given it much thought because it hadn't been an issue before now. One bad thing about waiting until my mid-twenties to have sex. I was too old to act ridiculous around a guy I'd slept with, even though I wanted to.
He texted me occasionally and even called, but darn it, the man was intelligent and crafty. He quickly figured out that I could cut our conversations short over the phone, but if he saw me in person, I couldn't do it.
I know, I know. I'd love to be able to blame my mother's constant drilling about manners when I was growing up, but I knew it was because of his smile. And the way he smelled.
The man was a menace to my resolve.
He had said he would try to change my mind about dating and he did a darn good job of it.
He called me one evening while I was studying to ask me if I'd had dinner and, if not, if I wanted