Only Her Best Friend - Cami Checketts Page 0,41

improving and had success.

He got everything together, strapped on some hiking shoes, and took off up the trails. Meredith, Meredith, Meredith was all that ran through his mind. Things had imploded again last night. It was all on him, of course. As soon as he’d thought about who he’d been raised by, all the pitiful thoughts of him being a loser surfaced. It was as if his mom was right in his face screaming at him. Luckily she was only in his head but all he’d wanted to do was run. In his mind if he gave up on what he truly wanted maybe his mom would stop belittling him internally.

Would Meredith have talked to him about his unworthiness and kissed him again if he hadn’t crawled into his hole and shut down emotionally the moment he mentioned his parentage and his mom’s demeaning words had assaulted him? He’d never know because he’d acted like a total wimp and let that voice get the best of him.

He stormed through lush greenery, not even seeing the beauty. It ticked him off that he was a grown man, yet his insecurities from childhood still weren’t resolved. Most of the time he was as confident and happy as he portrayed but it was always at the worst moments that it all washed over him again and threatened to ruin everything he’d worked so hard for.

Was he messing up a chance at heaven with Meredith because of his issues? Maybe. Probably. At times, she seemed reluctant to chat everything out, especially when he’d asked about her Googling him, but she didn’t have insecurities or issues. She was perfect. She’d said that she loved him, but did she? She was obviously trying to keep Zane from being so obsessed with her, and Cruz had all but conned her into saying it.

He groaned and kicked at a branch. He was so sick of thinking the words “not worthy,” but they were the only ones that seemed to fit regarding him and Meredith. For years he’d assumed he’d end up alone like his dad. It had hurt to think of never being with Meredith, but how could he subject her to a head case like him? It was better to get back to work and succeed with his career. He’d bury himself with work and pray desperately to put Meredith and the tiny piece of heaven he’d had last night with her in his arms out of his mind.

He wandered the mountains for hours, and then he went back to his dad’s to shower and scrounge up some leftovers. It was late afternoon, and his dad and Cat were still both gone. He was constantly surrounded by a crowd, and he didn’t like this quiet and being alone. It left him far too much time to think.

Walking out back, he began to pace the backyard while staring at the lake. He wanted to be open with Meredith and lay out his heart, but he sadly lacked the confidence in himself and in their tenuous relationship. If he was being premature about it and she wasn’t ready for his professions of love, he might not get another chance.

He suddenly realized he hadn’t had a proper moment with Grams since he got home and he’d promised her he’d come by. Grams. She was exactly who he needed when he was feeling this despondency. In Grams’ eyes he was more than enough.

He walked up the trail the half mile to Grams’ house and climbed the steps to her porch. Without bothering to knock, he pushed the door open and called, “Hello?”

He walked through the house, but it was empty and quiet. Even Grams wasn’t around or available for him. A deep feeling of despair wrapped around him like a familiar, scratchy, too-hot blanket on a hundred-degree day with humidity.

He shook it off and put a smile on his face, even though there was nobody around to see it. Maybe he should just leave the valley. The awful memories of his mom always surfaced when he was here. He had any number of friends he could call to go on an adventure with him. It’d be fun to do rock climbing, mountain biking, or anything outdoors without camera crews or fans for a day or two. Yet his fans energized him, and he loved the confidence boost they gave him. He’d taken a break to be with family, but he didn’t know that he could handle being in the same valley