Only Her Best Friend - Cami Checketts Page 0,37

I’m not just going to be another number for you.” She stood and hurried toward her room, rather than admit how stupid she felt about her silly chart, her obsession with him, and the immature way she was reacting.

“Mer,” Cruz stood and hurried after her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

She shook her head. “I’m the one who’s sorry.” She was sorry and embarrassed, but she was also confused about what he wanted. “I thought …” She didn’t want to spell it out. She thought they’d talk about developing a relationship. He’d claimed earlier that he’d been wanting to hold and kiss her for a long time, but what did that really mean? It could mean he only wanted to have a physical relationship with her. She wanted so much more than that with him. She wanted wedding rings and children and eternity.

Humiliation overwhelmed her again. She obviously wanted so much more than he did, and she was ready to commit for life after a few delicious kisses. He’d said nothing about a serious commitment like she’d been praying for. He was mostly teasing about kissing and how obsessed she was with him. He’d wanted to make sure she knew he wasn’t a player, but he was also leaving soon. She groaned. Why had she done this to herself? She assumed because she was already so in love with him, it wouldn’t plunge her any deeper in love to kiss him. How wrong she’d been. It was going to hurt even worse when he left on his merry way in a week and a half. Back to pursue glory and riches. He’d probably remember their time together fondly, but it was nothing that was going to change his life. Mer would be one more fan girl in one more port for him to add to the list.

“Sorry,” she muttered as he stood studying her, waiting for her to explain what she was thinking. “I’m a little out of sorts. My head is all cloudy.” It was cloudy from kissing him, being confused by him, and probably from being so tired. “I should just go to bed. We’ll talk tomorrow when I’m not so tired and irrational.”

“Please, Mer. Let’s talk about whatever is upsetting you.”

She stared at him. He had to be the one to say that he wanted them to commit and that he loved her. She was the one with insecurities, not the ever-confident, borderline-cocky Cruz Chadwick. When he simply stared at her, she couldn’t handle it any longer. He didn’t profess his undying love, offer to give up his successful career, or tell her he’d loved her all of his life. He didn’t say that all of this was about them and not just about her googling him, or any of the other completely unrealistic hopes she had in her head. She gave a little whimper, spun, and ran into her room. She closed the door on him calling out her name and wondered how many times she could slam the door in the love of her life’s face. The more important question was if she’d ever get brave enough to tell him he was the love of her life.

Chapter Ten

Cruz lay awake on his cot. Meredith’s window was open like last night, but they hadn’t talked tonight. He also hadn’t heard her regular breathing. Was she still awake? Was she confused and wanting to kiss or talk or be with him? Or was all the wanting on his end?

He kept replaying the amazing kisses he’d shared with Meredith and the unfulfilling, confusing way the night had ended. He’d upset her. He got that. But what had he done wrong? Had she not loved the kissing like he had? Had he kissed her too much or too passionately? He knew she was innocent, and maybe he’d been too into the kissing, but she’d kissed him just as passionately. It definitely hadn’t been one-sided. He realized now that he shouldn’t have teased her about googling him. That had set her off in a bad way, but man he was curious, and seeing that list was one of the reasons he’d been confident enough to go for her.

If only he had the confidence to declare his undying love and somehow beg her to make a relationship work even if they had to be apart at times. The love and admiration he had for Meredith was so much more than kissing, much more, but those kisses … Wow. As