He grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “I thought you might,” he said. I could tell he was smiling just by his tone.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t say it until now.”
“It’s OK,” he said. “I get it.”
Sam always seemed to have a grasp on what was truly important. He never seemed bogged down by petty things. He prioritized the heart of the situation over the details. He paid attention to actions more than words.
I didn’t like sleeping in my own bed anymore without him. I always held his hand at the movies. I waited all day to see him again just so I could kiss the soft spot by his eye, where his wrinkles were settling in.
He knew I was head over heels in love with him. So he was OK if it took me a while to say it. And that just made me love him more.
“I just . . . it’s sometimes hard not to associate moving forward with forgetting the past,” I said.
“If it helps . . .” Sam said as he moved closer to me. My eyes were adjusting to the darkness and I could see the glow of his skin. “I don’t expect you to stop loving him just because you love me.”
I probably should have smiled or kissed him. I should have told him how much I appreciated his magnanimous spirit and his selflessness. But instead, I started crying so hard I shook the bed.
He held me, kissing the top of my head, and then he said, “Is it OK if I tell you a few more things I’ve been thinking?”
I nodded.
“I think you and I have something that could last for a very long time, Emma. Maybe I even knew that back in high school, maybe that’s why I was as infatuated with you as I was. But I feel—I have always felt—more myself with you than anyone I’ve ever met. And for the first time, I’m starting to see what it would mean to grow with someone, as opposed to merely growing beside someone, the way I did with Aisha. I’m not worried about our future, the way I thought I’d be when I fell in love again. I’m OK just being with you and seeing where it goes. I just want you to know that if what we have lasts, and one day we talk about getting married or having kids, I want you to know I’ll never try to replace Jesse. I’ll never ask you to stop loving him. You can love your past with him. My love for you now isn’t threatened by that. I just . . . I want you to know that I’ll never ask you to choose. I’ll never ask you to tell me I’m your one true love. I know, for someone like you, that isn’t fair. And I’ll never ask it.”
I was quiet for a minute as I processed what he’d said. He put his arm underneath me and held me tight. He smelled my hair. He kissed my ear. “I’ve just been thinking about that for a while and I wanted to tell you.”
I stopped crying and I took a very deep breath in.
The room smelled of sweat and sleep. The bed beneath us felt soft and safe. I had found a man who understood who I was and accepted me entirely, who was strong enough to make peace with the tender spot in my heart for the love I used to have.
“I love you,” I said to him, again. The second time, it came out of my mouth with less effort.
“I love you, too,” he said. “I love everything about who you are. Always have.”
I moved onto my side to face him with my hands underneath my head. He turned to meet me. We looked at each other and smiled.
“It makes me so happy to have you in my life,” I said. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”
Sam smiled. “Think of all the people in the world,” he said, tucking my longest hair behind my ear. “And I was lucky enough to find you twice.”
“Think of all the women trying to buy a piano,” I said. “And I’m the one you hit on.”
Sam laughed.
“Turn around, would you?” he said. He said this when he wanted to spoon me, when he wanted to fit my body into the cradle of his. I did so happily.
“Good night, sweetheart,” he said. I could smell the mint and sweetness of his