“It does as much for me as it does for them. It feels like, if we can do things that are silly or even just typical, I’ll be okay.”
“You will be. It’ll take time, but you’ll be okay.”
I nodded. But then I started thinking about Dad again, and I didn’t want to cry now. I took a deep breath and moved on.
“It seems wrong that I’m the lowest caste left in the Selection,” I whispered back to him. “Look at Lucy. She’s as pretty and sweet and smart as half of the girls who were in that pool of thirty-five, but this is the best she’ll ever have. A few hours in a borrowed dress. It’s not right.”
Aspen shook his head. “I’ve gotten to know all your maids pretty well over the last few months, and she’s a really special girl.”
Suddenly a promise I’d made came back to me.
“Speaking of my maids, I need to talk to you about something,” I said, dropping my voice.
Aspen stiffened. “Oh?”
“I know this is awkward, but I need to say it all the same.”
He swallowed. “Okay.”
I bashfully looked him in the eye. “Would you ever consider Anne?”
His expression was strange, as if he was simultaneously relieved and amused. “Anne?” he whispered incredulously. “Why her?”
“I think she likes you. And she’s a really sweet girl,” I said, trying to hide the depth of Anne’s feelings but build her up at the same time.
He shook his head. “I know you want me to think about the possibility of other people, but she’s not at all the kind of girl I’d want to be with. She’s so . . . rigid.”
I shrugged. “I thought Maxon was like that until I got to know him. Besides, I think she’s had it rough.”
“So? Lucy’s had it rough, and look at her,” he said, nodding his head toward her laughing reflection.
I took a guess. “Did she tell you how she ended up at the palace?”
He nodded. “I’ve always hated the castes, Mer; you know that. But I’d never heard of them being manipulated that way, to acquire slaves.”
I sighed, looking over at May and Lucy, this stolen moment of joy in the middle of sorrow.
“Prepare yourself for words you thought you’d never hear,” Aspen warned, and I looked up at him, waiting. “I’m actually really glad Maxon met you.”
I coughed out something close to a laugh.
“I know, I know,” he said, rolling his eyes but smiling. “But I don’t think he would have ever stopped to wonder about the lower castes if it wasn’t for you. I think just you being there has changed things.”
We looked at each other for a moment. I remembered our conversation in the tree house, when he urged me to sign up for the Selection, hoping I’d have a chance for something better. I didn’t know yet if I’d gotten something better for myself—it was still hard to tell—but the thought of maybe giving something better to everyone else in Illéa . . . that possibility meant more to me than I could say.
“I’m proud of you, America,” Aspen said, looking from me to the girls by the mirror. “Really proud.” He moved into the hallway, back to his rounds. “Your father would be, too.”
CHAPTER 25
THE NEXT DAY WAS ANOTHER sentence of house arrest. From time to time, I’d hear the floor creak, and I’d turn my head, thinking that Dad would walk out of the garage, paint in his hair like always. But knowing that wasn’t going to happen didn’t feel as bad when I could hear May’s voice or smell Astra’s baby powder. The house felt full, and that was enough for now—its own kind of comfort.
I’d decided Lucy shouldn’t wear her uniform while she was here, and after a little protesting, I wiggled her into some of my old clothes that were too small for me but too big for May. Since Mom was busy distracting herself by cooking and serving everyone and I’d decided to tone down my look to sit around the house, Lucy’s main job was to play with May and Gerad, a task she took on happily.
We were all gathered in the living room, busying ourselves in our own ways. I had a book in hand, and Kota was hogging the television, reminding me of Celeste. I smiled, betting she was doing exactly that now.
Lucy, May, and Gerad were playing a card game on the floor, each one laughing when they won a round. Kenna was