One More Time - Ali Parker Page 0,73
back-up mic and throwing out good-natured complaints and protests about my being everyone’s favorite guitarist on stage. Their antics electrified the crowd more, making them laugh and cheer.
The crowd quieted down when Jared handed over his mic to me, the sudden silence as deafening as the cheers had been. Shit, I gripped the mic tight and hoped no one noticed my trembling hands. For a second, I considered just doing Jared’s “thanks for coming” spiel and doing what I needed to later, in private.
But no. I wasn’t pussying out of this one. I’d made my decision, and I was sticking to it. Digging deep to find my balls, I took a breath and raised the mic to my lips. “Good evening, San Diego.”
People shouted greetings at me, several raising signs and screaming for my attention, but I ignored them. I shielded my eyes against the bright lights, searching out the press box where I knew Kelly was seated.
I’d caught glimpses of her throughout the show, whenever the lights weren’t on me so I had a general idea where she was down in the mayhem. As I crossed the stage to the nearest point to her, I kept talking. “As most of you know, San Diego’s our hometown.”
That sent up a round of cheers that actually made me flinch a little, but I hid it behind a confident smirk and kept going. “You guys have been great to us, as you always have been, so I’m gonna steal Jared’s line and go ahead and thank you for another amazing time. We appreciate you all always welcoming us home with open arms and warmed-up vocal chords.”
This time, the cheers nearly raised the roof. I jokingly stuck my finger in my ear and wiggled it around. By now, the cameras had all been trained on me. All except for one, which was on Jared and the guys where they’d gathered around the center of the stage. Even Dom was there.
They were whispering to each other but also winking and waving as fans screamed their names. It was obvious to me that they were trying not to show that they didn’t know what was going on, but I doubted anyone else would be able to tell.
“Because of all that, and I guess in part because I’m an impatient asshole sometimes, I thought I should share something with all of you.” They quieted down again, hanging on to my every word eagerly. The few fans whose faces I could see were looking at me almost hungrily, crazy curious about what it was I was doing.
“So if you’ll bear with me for a few minutes, there’s some stuff I need to say.” It was so quiet now that you probably would’ve been able to hear a pin drop. Too bad I didn’t have one on me to test that theory.
“Here goes.” I’d reached the other end of the stage now, only a couple of yards from the start of the press box. Kelly was sitting farther to the back, and I couldn’t see her.
“I didn’t always know what kind of man I was. This life, as terrifying and fucking awesome as it can be, can also scramble things sometimes. The way we look at things, even ourselves, can change. When you ostensibly get everything you’ve always wanted, it’s hard to admit sometimes that there’s still something missing. It feels selfish to even think that way.”
I couldn’t believe I was saying all this for all the world to hear. At the edge of the stage, I could see thousands of phones were raised in my direction, recording this shit for all of time. All I could do was hope like hell it turned out the way I hoped it would.
On the other hand, if it didn’t, it wouldn’t matter that millions of people could watch it on YouTube because I’d know the real opinion of the only person who’s opinion mattered to me on this one.
“I’ve enjoyed my life as a rocker. Before you start wondering, no. I’m not about to tell you that I’m leaving the band. I still do love this life, but there’s always been something missing.”
Moment of truth time.
“Kelly. Kelly Diamond, would you please come up here?” A burst of static sounded in my ear, my earpiece still in it.
A voice I didn’t recognize, presumably one of the security guys, said, “Mr. Larsen, are you referring to Ms. Diamond, the reporter? Your PR agent’s sister?”
I nodded to the disembodied voice, and I knew