about how grateful I was that you took a chance and married a stranger. Which is why I asked you why you’re always doing dares. And it turned into you telling me all the reasons I might grow frustrated with you.”
He had me there. But I didn’t want to rehash the conversation we had on Monday, when I had expressed my worries about his seemingly growing attachment to me. The truth was, that attachment wasn’t at all one-sided. I liked Liam. Liked liked him. And it scared me, because I had only known him for a few days and I didn’t do commitments; I didn’t do serious relationships like this.
Was this a serious relationship? Had we stumbled from strangers who kissed into serious relationship territory without me realizing? Oh, fuck.
“There are a lot of things happening to your face right now. I sense that you’re having a whole conversation in your head.”
I blinked at Liam and nodded, agreeing with him.
“I have a solution, if you’ll keep an open mind to it?”
I swallowed but it did nothing to hydrate my very dry throat. “Okay,” I croaked.
“Let’s not worry about the what-ifs. Or what comes after this.”
“But you do worry about the what if,” I reminded him. “How can you just … not?”
“I don’t know. But I’m willing to try not to worry about the what-ifs if you’ll compromise and not push me away.” His hand landed on my hip and he rubbed it reassuringly. “I don’t know how much longer we have together, but I don’t want to spend it thinking about when it’ll end. Okay?”
It was a solution, but it didn’t necessarily put me at ease. “Okay,” I agreed, because it was a fair resolution.
“Now, come here.” He opened his arms for me and after only a moment’s hesitation, I curled into them.
20
Deb and Bob’s house was packed with people. Teachers, colleagues, and former classmates filled the walls to bursting. After giving the caterers some direction, I retreated to the back patio where I felt like I could actually fucking breathe. I wasn’t alone. Deb sat on one of the Adirondack chairs Will and I had built three summers before. As I approached her from behind, I took in the fading stain on the back of the chair, from sitting out in the sun for several seasons. These were things that Will would take care of, if he was here. Deb and Bob were as close to parents as I had, so it made sense for me to step into that role. I needed to stop being a secondary character in my own life, especially when it came to the people who mattered to me.
“Hey Deb,” I said, stooping down to give her a hug.
“Liam. Oh, I’m glad you’re here.” It was something she always said to me, no matter how many times she saw me. She patted my hand as I took the seat beside her. “Where’s Tori?”
“She had some work to catch up on, she’s driving over here after,” I explained. Despite our late night the evening before, she got up when her alarm went off at three this morning and taught some classes. When she returned to the room around ten, she conked out. I felt mildly guilty for having kept her up as late as I did. But not too guilty, considering how fucking incredible our night had been.
“She’s a good one. I like her.” She patted my hand again.
“You’ve only met her once,” I said with a soft chuckle.
“I know good when I see it. She’s special.”
That I knew. I was trying to think of ways to make us work longer than this week but kept coming up short. Even if I did have an idea, getting her to see it without getting scared would be a monumental feat.
“Do you think Will would have ever settled down, gotten married?”
The question was out of the blue. I looked sideways at her, wondering at it. “Settled down? Probably not. Maybe he would have married, if he’d found someone as spontaneous as him.” I thought of Tori, wondering if she’d have been a good match for him. In truth, it was hard to imagine her with anyone besides myself, only because I saw her so clearly in all aspects of my life.
Deb laughed. “I don’t think there is a person on earth as spontaneous as him. Besides, that combination would be volatile. I think Will would have done well to have someone to ground him.”