they came to visit; the concept of her children having a sex life was a bit too much for her.
James set the bowl on the counter and poured himself a coffee. “How long are you going to be gone?”
I shrugged, stabbed something phlegmy in his bowl, and dropped it back into his bowl, disgusted. “A handful of days, probably. Who knows?”
“Ah,” he said, pulling milk from the fridge. “Must be nice not having responsibilities.”
“Oh, it’s great,” I said, taking a long swig of water. “You’re missing out.” It was our age-old argument. I was flighty and irresponsible; James was boring and predictable. Siblings were often the best at pitting their flaws against each other and James and I reigned supreme in that regard. “But I guess your girlfriend Alabama would disapprove.”
James rolled his eyes. “Her name is Alaska, not Alabama.”
“Her real name?” I asked, though I knew the answer was no. His latest conquest—Suzy—had adopted the name Alaska because she felt it represented her more. “Because I’m one with the earth,” she’d once explained to me.
“Maybe you’d understand it if you actually cared about something other than yourself,” James retorted. “While you’re jetting off to Vegas, I’m spending the weekend helping Dad rebuild the back deck.”
“First of all, jetting off implies I’m flying—which I’m not. And secondly, do you really want me wielding a hammer around you?” I mimicked hitting his head with my water bottle as a hammer, which he swatted out of the way.
James didn’t need to think about it for very long before he shook his head.
“Exactly,” I continued. “Besides, this isn’t necessarily a vacation. I’m going to a bachelorette party.”
“Which we all know you just loathe,” he said scornfully—obviously referencing the many bachelorette parties I’d attended over the years.
“I barely know the bride. I think I was invited to be the buffer between her and her overbearing sister.” I hadn’t said as much to Bekka when she’d hinted at including me in the wedding party, but considering that my entire friendship with Bekka was based on the one summer we interned together two years ago, and remembering my interaction with Bekka’s sister, Katy, at the engagement party—and how firmly I’d put her in her place, much to the shock of everyone else—I was more than a little suspicious that my invite was to keep Katy in line. And truthfully, I didn’t really care that I was invited as a buffer. I spoke my mind—it was a well-known fact. And when Katy asked Bekka, in front of Bekka’s future in-laws, if Bekka was going to lose her belly weight for the wedding, it’d been my sincere pleasure to ask Katy if she had just passed gas. While waving my hand in front of my face for effect.
“Well, I’m sure you’ll steal the show regardless.” He didn’t say that with praise, but rather with the annoyance that an older brother held for his younger, much more fun sister.
“I don’t steal the show,” I said. “I’m already the entertainment.”
“The same thing,” he said, dropping his bowl of phlegmy veggies into the sink. “But when you mooch off Mom and Dad on their beautiful deck, remember it’s only there because of me.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll appreciate the hell out of it.” I popped some vitamins and then poured a few more into a sandwich baggie to take along. I’d learned long ago that the best remedy for a hangover was water, greasy food, and a bunch of vitamins. And considering that I’d be in Vegas, I’d need enough vitamins to drown in. “What’s Arkansas doing this weekend while you’re doing manly man things?”
“Alaska,” my brother repeated, shaking his head. “She’s camping with her family.”
“And you didn’t join in?” I asked, digging in the fridge for some road trip snacks. “Maybe you too could become one with nature. Then we can call you Jersey.”
“For New Jersey? No thanks. And her family is, well, they’re nice.”
“Ah,” I said, digging into the last mozzarella stick in the fridge. James tried to snatch it from me, but I elbowed him and ducked under his arm. “They’re nice. Yes, I can see why you wouldn’t want to camp with nice people. How awful.”
“Shut up,” he said, shifting his weight as I pushed him aside to grab ice from the freezer. “They are nice. But different. I don’t know. They don’t believe in fire.”
I straightened, furrowing my brow at him. “Excuse me? They don’t believe in fire? As in the thing cavemen discovered two million years ago?”