“She’s pretty sweet, Mom. The kids fell in love with her.”
“Good, then they can have her.”
Now he looked hurt. “I thought you’d like her.”
Catherine looked down at the little dog sitting on her haunches, looking up at her, stubby tail wagging tentatively. “What am I supposed to do with her if I want to take a trip?” Who knew? Maybe she’d want to take another cruise with Denise.
“Lila or I can watch her.”
“And when I’m doing chemo?”
“Chemo?” he said sharply.
Oh, dear. Now look what she’d done.
“Wait a minute. I thought you only had to have surgery.”
“Well, I don’t,” she said crossly. Which of them she was most cross with she wasn’t sure. “I have chemo starting in January and radiation after that. I don’t have time for a dog.”
Her son’s smile vanished. “Shit, Mom. You might have told us.”
“I didn’t want to bother you. You’re all so...busy.” Yes, there was the accusation again.
He looked at her, horrified. “You need to tell us this stuff. We’re your kids.”
She shrugged. “I don’t see that much of you.” The little root of bitterness that had been lurking in her ever since her children each told her of their plans for the holidays sprouted up into a full-grown plant, refusing to be ignored any longer.
He sat next to her and put an arm around her. “I’m sorry, Mom. Why are they doing this? I don’t understand.”
He looked so worried. Shame on you, she scolded herself, dumping all this on him right before Christmas.
“The doctor was worried they might not have gotten everything with the surgery.”
He pulled away, leaned forward, elbows on his knees, shut his eyes tightly and swore. Rubbed a hand over his forehead. A grown man determined not to cry in front of his mother.
“Mom, you should have told us.”
“I didn’t want to worry you.” And now here she was worrying him. She was pathetic.
“It will be all right,” she assured him.
He scowled at her. “Yeah, right. That’s why you didn’t tell us, ’cause it will be all right?” He swore again.
She thought she’d been unhappy that her children were taking off for the holidays. That was nothing compared to how unhappy she felt now. She was a two-legged Christmas wet blanket.
“We shouldn’t be leaving you,” he said, shaking his head.
’Tis the season for a guilt trip. Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la. She should never have let it slip about the chemo. She hadn’t planned to tell her children about it until the new year if at all, and now here she was, spilling toxic news all over her son.
Cookie put a paw on Catherine’s leg and looked up at her with a whimper. She picked up the little dog and settled her in her lap.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Yeah, you should have. You need to tell us this stuff. How can we help you if we don’t know?”
He did have a valid point. Maybe her children didn’t give enough because she didn’t ask enough. Maybe she needed to stop being a martyr and act a little more like a queen.
“Does Lila know?”
Catherine shook her head.
“When were you going to tell us about this?”
“Eventually.”
“I’m canceling our trip.” He pulled out his phone.
And then she’d have one of her children with her for Christmas. Wouldn’t that be a triumph, binding her son and his family to her with guilt, ruining a getaway they’d been looking forward to?
She put a hand over his to stop the frantic texting. “No, don’t do that. You go and have fun.”
“How the hell am I supposed to do that when I know you’ve got this coming up?”
“The same as you would have if you hadn’t known. I shouldn’t have told you.”
“Yes, you should have. And you should have told Lila, too. She’s gonna shit a brick when she hears.”
“I’ll tell her after the holidays.” She’d work on getting in touch with her inner queen come the new year.
“You can’t be by yourself.”
“Darling, I was going to be by myself before you heard about this,” she said, and his cheeks turned russet. Oh, dear. That was thoughtless.
“It was Gabby’s idea. I shouldn’t have gone along with it.”
“Yes, you should have, especially in light of our miserable time last Christmas. Happy wife, happy life. Remember?”
“Like I can be happy now? I’m sorry, Mom. It was wrong to go off and leave you. I thought Lila was going to be here. By the time I found out she wasn’t we’d already made the arrangements and...” He stopped talking,