to stay in touch with her new friends. She’d enjoyed getting to know everyone, and the idea that the fun was coming to an end made her more than a little sad.
People didn’t linger in the lounge as long as they had other nights. There was packing to be done, purchases to stow away. Catherine had packing to do also, but this was her last night with Rudy, so she lingered. Eventually, it was just the two of them, sitting side by side on a love seat.
“Do you have plans for New Year’s?” he asked.
You have to tell him. Tell him now. “I do.” He looked disappointed. “Not the kind you think,” she said.
Oh, dear. He looked both relieved and eager. He’d be neither once she explained.
“I’m afraid I can’t get involved with anyone right now.” This was so hard. She bit her lip. What to say next? “I should have told you sooner.”
His smile fell away. “So there is someone.”
She shook her head. “No.”
“What, then?” he asked. “Is it still too soon after losing your husband?”
She shook her head again. Tears burned her eyes. “I had cancer. I’m scheduled for chemo and radiation in the new year.”
The color bled out of his face. “My wife had cancer.”
“I know,” she said.
“I...” He shook his head. “I don’t know what to say.”
Say that it doesn’t matter.
He didn’t.
“I’m afraid you’ve had some hard bumps when it’s come to women,” she managed. There was an understatement. The poor man had buried one and been left by another. “I don’t want to add to that. I would wish you a smooth road.”
He gave a snort. “There’s no such thing.”
“Some roads are smoother than others.” She could feel a tear leaking out of one eye.
He reached up and wiped it away. “I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this,” he said. “What kind of cancer?”
“Uterine.”
“The best kind to get if you have to have it,” he said, and wiped away another tear. He frowned. “Usually a hysterectomy does it.”
“Not this time. This had chewed halfway through the uterine wall and my doctor wasn’t comfortable leaving it at that.”
He nodded, took her hand and looked at it. What was he thinking? She was afraid to ask. Almost afraid to speak. Fresh tears were welling up. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep them dammed up inside her.
They couldn’t sit here forever in silence. They couldn’t sit here forever, period. How she wished they could!
She cleared her throat. “I’ve had a lovely cruise, and a lovely time with you and your daughter.”
His jaw was clenched. He nodded.
“I want to thank you,” she added, “for all your kindnesses, for making this such a special time for me. It’s been...magical.”
“I feel the same,” he said.
“Then we’ll both have some beautiful memories to take away with us.”
“Just memories.” It was a statement, not a question. He was still holding her hand, staring at it.
She gently pulled it free. “I should go.”
“I wish you didn’t have to,” he said. “Stay a little longer?”
She couldn’t. This was like pulling off a bandage painfully, slowly.
“I think it’s best I leave,” she said.
Now he did look up, and his expression brimmed over with misery.
Before she could say anything more, he took her face in his hands and kissed her. It made her foolish heart flutter with hope.
“Let’s stay in touch,” he said, but the words sounded hollow.
She nodded, but she knew they wouldn’t. That kiss hadn’t said au revoir. It had said goodbye.
She pulled away, and now it was her not looking at him. She could barely see for the tears in her eyes. She murmured a shaky, “Goodbye,” then fled the lounge. It was nearly deserted, a room filled with the lingering scent of women’s perfume, a giant treasure chest, closed on the collective experiences of a group of travelers gathered together for a short time. She started past the tree. Many people had taken their ornaments when they left. The next day she and everyone else would disembark and whatever was left would be taken down and thrown away and it would be as if this night had never happened.
She didn’t want anyone throwing away the ornament she and Rudy and Athena had signed. She stopped long enough to remove it. It wouldn’t be as if this night had never happened for her. She would remember it for the rest of her life.
The rest of her life. The tears broke loose and she hurried away.