Once Upon a River Page 0,114

She wondered if her mother might visit her sometimes, if they might sit on the deck of her boat and enjoy the river together. Margo fell asleep quickly, but then woke up after a few hours with her heart pounding. She was thinking about her father’s ashes and how far away from them she was. She got up and raised the window, but it opened only an inch. At about four a.m. she woke up again and couldn’t go back to sleep. She went into the living room, but found the couch empty. She ate two more pieces of pizza from the box in the refrigerator. Then she put on the parka, picked up some kitchen matches from the stove, and carried them outside. She gathered all the twigs she could find and made a little pile near the water as far as she could from the security light. She built a tiny fire on the frozen ground and crouched beside it. The fire was almost upon the water, and the reflected light warmed her.

She remembered how, at the Pokagon Mound Picnic Area and at her camp near the marijuana house, she had sometimes felt proud of getting through another day and night, of getting and preparing good food and keeping warm and comfortable. She felt a little that way now.

She lay back on the snow and stared at the three stars making up the man’s belt, almost directly overhead now. The constellations she had seen with the Indian—the swan and the dolphin—were gone. She had heard someone once mention a dog star; she would have liked to know where that was. Margo should have asked what Smoke saw in the stars, but the two of them didn’t tend to hang around outside at night. Margo already missed Smoke’s breathy voice and his cursing, the way he cheered up when Fishbone’s lanky figure appeared in the back yard. She missed the urgency of the river moving nearby. Compared to the river, the lake seemed almost dead.

“I’m not sure about this,” Margo said to her mother the following morning.

“You don’t have to be sure. The first appointment is just an exam. They’ll explain your options.”

“I was there already.”

“I told them you’d been there yesterday, but that you’d gotten nervous and left, and they let me make you another appointment. I’ll come with you this time.”

Her mother was sitting at a little table in the bathroom adjoining her bedroom, looking at herself in the mirror. Margo was leaning against the doorframe with her own worn jeans on, army knife and wallet in her pockets. Luanne wiped makeup over her face and rubbed it around until it became invisible.

“Does anybody ever row on the lake?” Margo asked.

“The neighbor has a canoe. We have a pontoon boat, but it’s in winter storage at the marina.” Luanne applied lipstick and blotted her lips on a tissue, then applied more and smiled at herself. “I can show you how to do all this to your face. That’s something I could do for you.”

Margo nodded vaguely and then went out to wait in the kitchen, and when her mother appeared, Margo thought she looked like somebody from TV. She wore a glossy black belt that accented her small waist. Her shirt was unbuttoned to show cleavage, and she wore a necklace, earrings, and rings with turquoise stones.

Margo walked behind her out to the car.

“What happened last night, Margo?” Luanne asked as she backed out into the road. “I just listened to a phone message from my neighbor, saying there was a vagabond tending a fire in my back yard last night.”

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“You can’t really have a fire without a permit unless it’s in a fire pit. Mr. Smith was afraid you were going to burn down his fence.”

“I was eight feet away from the fence.”

“Why were you outside so late at night, anyway?”

“I like to be outside at night for a while, to hear what’s out there.” She had not heard any night bird sounds, only a raccoon scrambling on the neighbor’s porch. “I couldn’t get the window in my room to open more than an inch.”

“Those are security locks. It’s too cold to open a window.”

“Why don’t you have a dog?”

“Roger doesn’t want a dog.” Luanne sighed as she turned off the lake road and onto a two-lane highway. “And I certainly don’t want a dog. You know I never wanted a dog.”

Margo pressed a button that locked and then unlocked the door. She finally