“Maz and Lucan might stop by as well. They’re over in the barn, building a bed.”
Right. Sando had forgotten about that, though he was pretty sure Lucan had told him that morning. Hopefully, they wouldn’t be in for a while so he’d have time to test his theory.
“How’s your…grandfather? Father? Sorry, I don’t know how you want me to call him. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked at all. I didn’t think it through when I asked. I wanted to show interest, but maybe this is a sensitive topic for you, and if that’s the case, I’m sorry.”
Sando had never heard Lev ramble like this, and he found it sweet and endearing. He clearly meant well, and Sando had found himself in similar situations enough times to know how it felt to put your foot in. “My grandfather, and it’s okay.” Then he frowned. “Didn’t Sivney tell you, though?”
Lev shook his head as he added some dried herbs to the soup. “He doesn’t talk about patients, not even with us.”
“Oh.” Sando didn’t know why, but he liked the idea of Sivney keeping things private. “He’s…he’s not doing well, apparently, but I haven’t seen him since I moved out because…” He sighed. “I don’t know if I’ll ever want to see him again.”
“Was he not nice to you?”
Wow, Sivney really hadn’t breathed a word other than to the people he’d asked Sando’s permission to share it with, like Enar and Maz and Palani. “I thought he was, but it turns out that a lot of what he told me was a lie. He used me.”
Lev turned toward him, his eyes sad. “I’m sorry. I know how hard it is to accept that.”
“Were your parents not nice to you either?” Sando asked. It seemed natural now.
“No. My father is… He’s disappointed in me, always has been. If he knew about my relationship with Naran and Sivney, he would…” Lev shuddered. “He wouldn’t be pleased.”
“I know what you mean. My grandfather was furious when he found out I’d been with Maz and Lucan, like it was a personal betrayal to him, even though I was in heat…for the first time.”
Lev’s eyes widened at that last bit, but he didn’t comment on it, which Sando thought very nice of him. “That’s ridiculous. But I know it’s easy for others to say. In my head, I know I shouldn’t care what my father thinks of me, but in my heart, it’s not so easy to let go.”
“Evidence suggests that if you tell yourself the rational facts consistently, you can override your emotional response. If you say to yourself ‘my father’s opinion of me is irrelevant,’ and you do that several times per day, it will take root inside you.”
“Thank you. I’ll try that. I don’t like feeling like this. He doesn’t love me, so he shouldn’t get a say in my life or the choices I make.”
That was about as perfect an opening as he could get. “Can I ask you something about that? About love?”
Lev nodded, then turned down the soup and put the lid on. He sat down across from Sando at the table. “I don’t know if I can answer your questions because I don’t have a lot of experience, but I can try.”
Sando frowned. What did he mean by experience? “But you love Naran and Sivney, right?”
Lev’s smile was super sweet. “Oh god, yes. So much I can’t even put it into words.”
Sando leaned forward. “How do you know? How did you recognize it?”
“I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”
Sando pushed through his discomfort. He had to understand this. “You say you love them. And I’m sure you also have…sexual attraction. Like, you kiss and have sex.”
Lev’s cheeks grew fiery red. “Erm…yeah?”
“How do you know that what you feel for them is love and not attraction? How can you tell the difference? Because I think it’s possible to have sexual attraction without love. Like, I can say objectively that Rhene, for example, is attractive. He’s a tall alpha, his skin is really nice and tanned, and his body is very well proportioned. I’m sure that I could be attracted to him…or maybe I am if I’d spend time with him. But that’s not the same as love, so what’s the difference?”
Lev was fidgeting in his chair. “I’m not… I mean… I don’t think I’m the right person to answer that. It’s not something I’ve thought about.”
Sando sighed. “Okay. Never mind.”
Naran rolled his wheelchair into the kitchen. “Would you mind me giving