research? Like, use my office in the clinic and the computer and everything?”
“Of course, Sando.” Palani sounded almost surprised. “Maz and Lucan will still be working in the clinic as well once it reopens.”
Bray nodded. “I have multiple men who are joining the second pack but will keep working for me.”
“Okay. I just wanted to check because…my research is important to me.”
“I completely understand. And, Sando, I know this conversation may have been hard for you, but I want you to know how sorry I am for what happened with your father. I’m sorry that I didn’t step in sooner,” Palani said. Maz loved him for being willing to apologize all over again to Sando. “And what you said before, about how this was your fault…it’s not. You were the victim. You were loyal to your father—or grandfather, as it turned out—and no one can blame you for that.”
“But…but how can we blame him when it’s clear his mind isn’t well? He doesn’t even remember hitting me or yelling at me. Five minutes later, he’d act as if nothing happened.”
Maz’s arms tightened around him. “That’s a difficult moral judgment, kitten. I agree that he may not have done some of it consciously…and may have never behaved like that had he not been ill. But what about what he did to you before that?”
He didn’t want to be too explicit, not sure if Sando wanted to face the issue of his father secretly administering hormones to him. It had to be so hard for him to acknowledge that the man he’d put on a high pedestal had violated him like that.
“You mean the hormones, right?” Sando looked up at him.
Maz nodded.
Sando bit his lip. “Yeah, he must’ve started that before he got sick. That was a conscious, deliberate action. I know he meant well, but…”
“How did he mean well, if I may ask?” Palani asked.
“He didn’t want me to have a heat, I think. Because my mother was, and she disappointed him by getting pregnant with me. That’s what Naran told us, at least. I don’t know. I never had a chance to ask him, and I’m not sure I want to. But I’ve always felt like he was disappointed I was an omega. He would’ve preferred for me to be a beta so I wouldn’t be subject to the biological needs and urges omegas have, and the hormones were his way of making that happen in a way.”
Palani frowned. “When do you think he started dosing you with hormones?”
“Erm… When I was thirteen, I think? That’s when he got on this whole wellness and healthy train and started with the vitamins and a whole bunch of other shit.”
“And you have no idea what he gave you?”
Something heavy settled in Maz’s chest. Where was Palani going with this?
“No. I assumed he gave me hormones, probably estrogen and something else, since that would’ve blocked my physical development and prevented my heat.”
“Is there any way you could find out what he gave you? He would’ve written this down somewhere, I assume?”
Sando shook his head. “It all burned down when they destroyed the lab. Everything he wanted to remember about his research is in my brain. Why?”
“Call it a hunch, but I was just wondering if he might have used you as an involuntary test subject for his research. He’s been trying to develop meds to help gene carriers for years. What if he didn’t merely give you hormones but tested out meds on you to see if they would be effective in blocking your heat?”
“But I’m not a gene carrier…”
“No, but hear me out. We know the heat blockers already on the market don’t work for gene carriers and don’t even ameliorate their heats. But they would’ve worked on you. If your father just wanted to block your heats, he could’ve given you those. If I’m correct, those wouldn’t have affected your physical development and hormone levels in the way that they are now, but they would have successfully prevented you from going into heat.”
“Yes… Instead, he gave me something that not only blocked my heats but had other side effects as well,” Sando said slowly. He gently pushed against Maz’s arms, and the alpha let him go. “You’re saying that he may have tested something on me, something he’d been working on, to see what it would do to me.”
“You’re incredibly smart, Sando. Can you think of anything that happened in the last twelve years that would support this theory?”