Oblivion_ stories - By David Foster Wallace Page 0,108

in substance, the following:

‘But snoring is not really the issue, Randall, is it?’

‘But I never for one moment suggested that it was the real issue.’

‘After all, hay fever or no, lots of men snore.’

‘And were I one of them [meaning someone who ‘snored’ even during seasons when hay fever was not a factor], I would submit [meaning to Hope’s accusations] without hesitation.’

‘Why is it so important to you whether you snore or not?’

‘The whole point is that it is not important to me. That is my entire point. If I were, in point of actual fact, “snoring,” I’d have no trouble admitting it, assuming responsibility and taking any reasonable steps necessary in order to address the alleged problem.’

‘I’m afraid I still don’t understand. How can you even know for certain whether you snore or not? If you are snoring, then by definition you’re asleep.’

‘But [attempting to respond] . . .’

‘I mean, who can know?’

‘But [becoming more and more frustrated by this point in time] that’s the whole point, which I have tried here to explain I don’t even know how many times already: it is precisely when I am not in fact yet even asleep that she accuses me.’

‘Why are you getting so upset? Do you have some special stake in the issue of whether you snore?’

‘If I am, as you put it, getting “upset,” it is perhaps because I am somewhat irked, impatient or frustrated with these types of exchanges. The whole point is that I emphatically do not have a stake in the so-called “snoring” issue. The point is that if I were in fact“snoring,” I would admit it and simply roll over on to my side or even offer to go sleep in Audrey’s bed and not think twice about the issue beyond a certain natural regret that I had in any way disturbed or “compromised” Hope’s rest. But I do, however, know that one must be asleep to “snore,” and that I know when I am truly asleep and when I am not, and that what I do have a “stake” in is refusing to placate someone who is being not just irrational but blindly stubborn and obtuse in accusing me of something which I must be asleep in order to be guilty of when in fact I am not yet asleep, due largely to how tense and exhausted I am from the whole absurd conflict in the first place.’

The P.P.O.’s counselor, who appeared to be in, at most, his mid- or late 30s, and wore spectacles, had a large forehead which was domed in such a way as to suggest deep thoughtfulness, an appearance which was, it increasingly emerged, misleading.

‘And is there no chance—just for the sake, Randall, of argument—no chance or possibility, however remote, that you yourself might be being, as you put it, in any way stubborn or blind about this conflict in you and Mrs. Napier’s relationship?’

‘Now I must confess to becoming frustrated or even, if I might say so, somewhat annoyed or exasperated, as the whole point, the entire root of the unfairness and my frustration or even anger with Hope, is that I myself am willing to examine this possibility. That it is myself who am here, examining it, as you can plainly see. Do you see my wife here? Is she willing to come “lay [the problem] out” and look at it with a disinterested party?’

‘And can I ask why the thing with the fingers?’

‘But no, Ed [the P.P.O.’s counselor all but insisting on being addressed by his first name], if I may, the fact is that Hope is even now returning home from Exercise class or the cosmetician and is very probably in the tub stewing privately over the conflict and fortifying her position and preparing for another endless round of the conflict whenever she next dreams that I am keeping her awake and robbing her of her youth, vivacity and daughterly charms, while at the same moment I myself sit here in an unventilated office being asked whether I might be “blind.”’

‘So, if I am hearing you accurately, the real issue is fairness. Your wife is not being fair.’

‘The real issue is that it’s bizarre, surreal, an almost literal “waking nightmare.” My wife is now no one I know. She’s claiming to know better than I myself whether I’m even awake. It’s less unfair than seemingly almost totally insane. I know whether I’m sitting here having these exchanges. I know I am not dreaming this. To doubt