a mountain range of paper files. At Ueno lost property Suga was forever harping on about paperless offices. The man himself is in the corner, hunched over his keyboard. Tappety-tap-tap-tap-tappety-beepetybeep-beep-beep. ‘Shit!’ He swivels around and peers at his visitor. Then he tries to access my face and name, even though only nine days have passed since Suga quit Ueno. ‘Miyake!’
‘You said I could come and see you some time.’
Suga frowns. ‘But I never thought you actually would . . . How is the lost property business? Mrs Sasaki still freezing the ground beneath her feet? And did you see Aoyama’s final dive on TV? It was all over the news until that high-school kid busjacked the holiday coach. See that? Cut the passengers’ throats. Goes to show, if you’re going to perform a dramatic suicide like Aoyama, schedule it clear of any major news stories.’
‘Suga, I came to—’
‘You’re lucky I’m in. Pull up a chair. You might find one under . . . never mind, sit on that box. I got back from my week at IBM yesterday. You should see their labs! They put me on the helpdesk to wipe the arses of the great unwashed. Deep grief. I wanted to be in R&D to check out the new stuff, right. It took me a few minutes to hatch my escape plan. My first call comes in, this bumpkin from Akita with an accent even thicker than yours, no offence. “Oim having some bovver with my ’puter. Screen went blank.” “Oh dear, sir. Can you see the cursor?” “You wot?” “The little arrow, sir, that tells you where you are.” “Don’t see no arrow. Don’t see nuffin. Screen went blank, I tell yer.” “I see, sir. Is there a power indicator on your monitor?” “On me wot?” “On your monitor, sir. The TV. Does it have a little ‘On’ light?” “No light, no nuffin.” “Sir, is the TV plugged into the wall?” “No idea, can’t see nuffin, I tell yer.” “Not even if you crane your head around, sir?” “How could I? It be as black as night in here, oim tellin yer.” “Maybe it would help if you turned the lights on, sir?” “Oi tried, but they won’t come on – the electric company are testing the wotsits, and there won’t be no power until three o’clock.” “I see, sir. Well, I have good news.” “You do?” “Yes, sir. Do you still have the boxes the computer came in?” “Oi never throw nuffin away.” “Splendid, sir. I want you to pack your computer up and take it back to the shop you bought it from.” “Is the problem that serious, then?” “I’m afraid it is, sir.” “Wot do I tell ’em at the shop, then?” “Are you listening carefully, sir?” “Oi am.” “Tell them you’re too much of a shit-for-brains to own a computer!” And then I hang up.’
‘That was your escape plan?’
‘I know my calls are monitored by the drongo in charge of me, right. Plus, I know they know I’m too valuable to chop. So the supervisor agreed my talents might be more profitably employed in another department. I suggested R&D, and off I went. Miyake, what is that thing you’re carrying?’
‘A pineapple.’
‘I thought so. Why are you carrying a pineapple?’
‘This is a present.’
‘I thought they came in cans. Who are you giving a live pineapple to?’
‘You.’
‘Me?’ Suga is mystified. ‘What do you do with them?’
‘People slice them into chunks with a knife, and, uh . . . eat them.’
Suga suddenly beams. ‘Hey, thanks. I forgot lunch. Guess where I am?’ He nods at his computer, and pulls a beer free from its six-pack – I shake my head. ‘French Nuclear Energy. Their anti-hacking tech is Iron Age.’
‘I thought your Holy Grail was in the Pentagon.’
‘Oh, shit.’ Suga hiss-pisses beer everywhere. ‘It is. The French are zombies.’
‘Zombies? I know their Pacific nuclear tests suck, but—’
Suga shakes his head. ‘Zombies. No hacker worth his silicon ever hacks directly. We hack into a zombie computer, and go fishing from there. Often, we zombify another zombie via the first. The hotter the target, the longer the zombie conga.’
Time to get to the point. ‘I have a favour to ask. A delicate one.’
‘What do you want me to hack into?’
He looks at me as he swigs his beer. I realize there is a whole lot more to Suga than I judged. I judge people too fast. I get out the library book that Miriam dropped in the park. ‘This might