you remember what you said when I’d told you the news?” Lawrence asked gently.
Soren nodded. Judge Lawrence Duncan’s beard wasn’t white when they’d met years ago in that Manhattan courthouse. But there was no doubt that he was sitting across from the man who’d changed the trajectory of his life.
Larry Duncan shared a look with the judge. “You hugged me, right there in my chambers, son. And you told me how excited you were to have a place that could be a real home. I knew right then and there that you were a good kid. And that you deserved to find a place where people cared about you.”
“And I knew you and Tom would hit it off,” the judge added.
Crushing guilt weighed heavy on his heart. All that kindness, and he’d never learned from it. He’d never thought to incorporate all he’d learned from the Abbotts into his life.
He slumped forward. “Judge, I ruined everything.”
“Well, you may have outdone yourself in upsetting Tom, but I think you and my grandson can work it out.”
He exhaled a shaky breath. “I would love to believe that.”
“Now, what about your Alice,” the man pressed.
He searched the judge’s eyes. “My Alice?”
“This fell out of your wallet when we were bleeding you dry at the poker table,” the short Santa said as he handed over the photo strip.
“You don’t have to be like your parents, Mr. Rudolph. Your birth doesn’t determine who you are. You and you alone are responsible for your choices. And I know that the grateful young man I’d met in my chambers is wholly capable of forging a new path,” Larry Duncan offered.
“And wholly capable of dedicating himself to his friends and to the love of his life,” the judge added.
“You know about Bridget?” he asked.
“Oh, kid! We could all tell that you were crazy about that stoned young lady the night you brought us those peanut butter blossoms,” the burly Santa answered.
The judge bit back a grin. “I’ve spent a lot of time with couples over the years. Overseeing marriages, divorces, and everything in between, you start to get a knack for reading between the lines when it comes to love.”
Soren turned to the Santa crew. “And she’s not actually a stoner. She accidentally ate a bunch of Tanner’s gummy bears without knowing the special ingredient,” he replied, remembering that wild, wonderful night.
“I don’t think that there’s anyone here who hasn’t indulged in Tanner’s treats. Just make sure she only eats a few next time. Unless she’s spent the day with hundreds of screaming toddlers. In that case, give her the bag,” a Mrs. Claus replied as the Santa contingent nodded in agreement.
He stared down at the photos. “As much as I wished it were true, I don’t think that there will be a next time with her. And more than that, I don’t deserve her.”
“What kind of person deserves her, Scooter?” the judge asked.
Soren sat back and pictured the life he wanted for the woman he loved.
A sad smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. “A man who puts her first. A man who sees how lucky he is to have her every day of his life. A man devoid of selfishness and greed. A man capable of keeping a promise,” he answered, tracing his finger over the image of their photo booth kiss.
The judge patted his leg. “How about a man who grew up without love but found it through friendship and an adopted family? How about a man who desperately needs to give himself a gift?”
Soren released a sad little chuckle. “Judge, I have more money than God. What gift do I need to give to myself?”
“Trust,” the man replied.
The word hung in the air.
“Trust?” he questioned. What could he mean by that?
“The gift of trusting yourself not to be like your parents. The gift of taking a leap and promising to protect another’s heart. The gift of trusting in the goodness of your own heart,” the man answered.
Trust. That was it. He’d trusted himself with the Abbotts because he believed that they had made him good. And in that slice of his life, up until completely jacking up Tom’s wedding, he had been good, loyal, and trustworthy. The qualities he’d learned from the people who called him Scooter. Still, a thread of doubt wove its way through his heart.
“But what if I fail, Judge?”
The man he’d known since he was fourteen held his gaze. “What if you don’t?”