Not So Model Home - By David James Page 0,69

did before live-audience TV shows. I had to go along. It was like being at an Anthony Robbins life coaching rally. You knew it was all psychobabble New Age shysterism bullshit, but you had to join in jumping up and down, and yelling and clapping like an idiot because you would look like a sour grapes asshole if you didn’t.

After twenty minutes, everyone was ready to burst an aorta, but we were excited and it showed for the cameras.

Aurora was ready.

“Gentlemen, we’ve all been through a lot together. I’ve seen you at your worst. And I’ve seen you at your best. Through it all, I’ve been watching and evaluating you, looking for that one man who will make a good match for Ian. That person needs strength, intelligence, courage, patience, and above all, a kind and giving heart. And after careful consideration of many, many months, I think that that man is”—she stopped, giving the cameras plenty of time to catch a variety of facial expressions—“Darryn Novolo!” she finished, holding a glass of champagne to the camera.

All cameras went to Darryn, who was really acting excited. Genuinely excited. The other guys were mortally disappointed—I could see it, knowing them all these weeks—but they did a damn good job hiding it.

And then I moved.

“There is another announcement to make,” I shouted as I took center stage. All cameras swerved in my direction as Jerry bounded onto the set. I deferred to Jerry.

“Darryn Novolo, I am arresting you for the attempted murder of Amanda Thorne and the murder of Aleksei Kikorov!” he said, placing handcuffs on a dazed Darryn.

The cast thought it was all a planned joke. If they weren’t standing with their mouths in a frozen laugh/startled expression on their face, then they were uttering a chorus of “What-the-fucks?” that would later be bleeped out.

“What is going on here?” Aurora asked. “I don’t understand.”

“Aurora, we have evidence that proves Darryn tried to murder me the night after Aleksei’s memorial service.”

“I don’t believe it!” Aurora exclaimed. “It’s not possible! Darryn, tell me this can’t be true.”

I turned on my biggest personality for the cameras, probably for the last time, and went for it. “It is true, Aurora. I’ll start at the most recent developments, and we’ll work our way back in time to reveal even more. As you all know, I was attacked by a strangler some time ago at my house. My dog managed to tear a portion of my attacker’s pant leg off. The cloth was extremely well woven, but it would take weeks, maybe months, maybe never to find the company that made the pants. But lo and behold, a short time after that, I saw a homeless man going through Ian’s garbage wearing a very fine suit. Guess what was missing from the end of the pant leg? A piece of cloth that matched the piece my dog had taken out of my attacker’s leg. Coincidence? No. The homeless man found the entire suit in a Dumpster behind the Hyatt hotel, which is, coincidentally, just down the road from Ian’s house. Just a few short blocks. Someone obviously wanted to get rid of the incriminating trousers and suit, so my attacker took them down the road and tossed them in the Dumpster, not realizing that homeless men frequent North Belardo Road because of the food handouts from the church on the corner. Bad planning. But also telling. Anyone who had spent enough time at Ian’s house would know that. But one person was fairly new here: Darryn.”

“So you’re going to try and incriminate me on the basis that I don’t know where the homeless get their food?”

“No, that realization that came into my head was just the icing on the cake. No, I’ll let Detective Hallander tell about the pants.”

Jerry, not having the great experience of being in front of a camera that I now had, cleared his throat and made a few false starts, but in no time, he rose to the occasion. “The label on the suit coat was from Anderson & Sheppard of London. We sent photographs to them, and thanks to the extensive records they keep of each client, we got a positive match: Darryn Novolo. Back to you, Amanda.”

“Thank you, Jer . . . Detective Hallander. So was this the only foul play Darryn got involved in? Hardly. He also murdered Aleksei Kikorov.”

Drake spoke up, “How can you be so sure?”

“We know the person who strangled Aleksei while he was sitting in his