Not So Model Home - By David James Page 0,28

shake my hand or just stare at me.

It was the start of my short, meteoric climb in notoriety. One that I barely began to perceive. But one that was going to produce changes in my life that I could not see at the moment. Yet, I did feel at one with myself for the time being. It was refreshing.

Of course, The Slap, as it came to be known, was just what Jeremy and his cameramen were looking for. I think it was at this point that I realized what a pivotal role the cameramen played. Despite my reservations that any portion of this show was going to have a plethora of reality, it was the cameramen who knew what would look good on TV, and they knew how to get it. Since the segment television producer wasn’t always around to narrate off camera, the cameramen often prompted the contestants to make a statement or offer an opinion on what just happened. And since I had effectively stolen the first show single-handedly with my slap, the cameramen were corralling the men into making response segments to sprinkle in after the actual event had occurred. I overheard the responses for the most part, since the guys weren’t sitting that far away. Strangely, the men were all pretty much supportive, but their dramatic reactions consisting of popped eyes and a few whistles intended to upstage me failed miserably. Aleksei commented that seeing a woman’s naked body—or any part of it—made him want to puke. The first show belonged to me, hands down. But the genie was out of the bottle. In one single day, the men went from consummate models to being consummate actors.

And that was pretty much all for the taping of the first show of Things Are a Bit Iffy. The cast was jazzed up, Gilles was pissed off, Jeremy was beside himself—everyone was happy. Except me.

CHAPTER 10

The Slap Heard ’Round the World

That night, I went over to Alex’s place. As he was pouring a cucumber martini for the both of us, Alex asked me how the filming went. I told him that there had been a kerfuffle.

“A kerfuffle? Did you just become a Tudor?”

“Well, I kinda slapped Gilles.”

“Kinda slapped?”

“Okay, I bitch-slapped him.”

“Whyyyyy?”

“Because he pulled down the top of my swimsuit and exposed my breasts.”

“I thought this was a gay show, not an episode of Girls Gone Wild.”

“It is a gay show. I’m the token fag hag.”

Alex was trying to figure out things. “So why would an obnoxious, gay French male model pull down the top of your swimsuit?”

“Ah, well, that’s just the way he is,” I said, lying through my newly whitened teeth. (So what if I wanted my teeth to look good for TV. I recently had them bleached . . . so sue me.)

“Amanda . . .” Alex started. “I can tell when you’re lying.”

“How so?”

“You don’t look me in the eye and you start fiddling with something with your hands . . . like you’re fiddling with my salt shaker. So spill it.”

“I called him money-grubbing Eurotrash or something like that.”

“No argument there from what you’ve told me about him, but I suppose you did this in front of a camera?”

“Pretty much. Yup.”

“You had too much champagne, didn’t you?”

“Now, why would you jump to that conclusion, Alex?”

“Amanda, we may have been married for only five years, but I know you very well. Your mouth runs free when you’ve had too much champagne.”

“I blame it on the bubbles.”

“So, are they going to put that segment on the show?”

“Oh, I don’t think so, Alex,” I said, lying through my pearly whites again, but mostly lying to myself.

“I’d check YouTube as soon as you can. I’ll bet they’ve uploaded that scene already.”

“Alex, they just filmed us this afternoon. It’s eight o’clock right now. They wouldn’t have had enough time to get it on there already. You’re just getting way out ahead of yourself.”

“Oh yeah, let’s see,” Alex said, clapping his hands in anticipation as he flipped the lid open on his MacBook Air and the computer screen leapt to life. He typed in some search topics, scrolled through a list of videos, then spun the laptop around for me to see. And there it was. The title? “Things Are a Bit Iffy: The Bitch Slap.” I had to admit it, the title wasn’t especially catchy, but it was optimized for search engine results. Meaning? It was probably going to go viral. Unfortunately.

I looked at the still frame from the video,