The (Not) Satisfied Dragon - Colette Rhodes Page 0,43
Would he stay silent?
Would I?
“We need to continue our conversation from yesterday,” I announced, setting my spoon down so the tremor in my hands would be less noticeable. I was projecting a lot more confidence than I was feeling.
The corners of Ezra’s mouth twitched and I could have sworn he was going to smile for a moment. “I wondered how long it would take you to bring it up.”
“Why didn’t you?” I challenged, failing to keep the snark out of my voice.
“Because I wanted you to take the lead on this. We’re asking you for a lifetime commitment, Shira. Whether you give that to us or not is in your hands.”
“Oh.”
I mean, what could I say to that? Seff, Levi, and Hiram were smiling into their porridge bowls.
It had been weeks since I’d sat at this same table and Ezra had shot down everything I’d said, every idea I’d had. Dismissed them entirely out of hand, assuming he knew best. It felt like years. This Alpha waiting patiently for me to make a choice about not only my future but all of ours, was unrecognizable from the one I’d left behind.
“I'm not good at talking about this stuff. Honestly, you guys aren't either,” I added under my breath. “But I have to know. Why bond with me? Why do you even want me?”
“What?” Ezra asked, brow furrowed.
“I killed Flight Milain. Someone will figure that out one day and I'll be punished. Executed, probably. Whatever is between us is a product of the gods' planning… it isn't us.”
“Is that how you really feel, Shira?” Ezra rumbled, an edge of danger in his voice. “That the only thing that connects us, the only thing that makes us right for each other, is divine intervention?”
I hesitated, unsure how to answer that. Did I think that? There were moments where it felt like we had something big. Something more than just a convenient designation from the gods. Ezra's protectiveness, Oren's comfort, Hiram's playfulness, Levi's concern, Seff's ambition… I related to them and appreciated them in different ways. We brought out strengths in one another.
“You don't believe that,” Ezra surmised, scrutinizing my expression. “You are ours and we are yours. I don't give a fuck who knows what you did because we won't let a godsdamned soul take you away from us. Understand?”
His navy eyes burned with the passion of his words. I couldn't doubt the honesty in them. My mind wouldn't allow me to.
“I understand,” I croaked, before clearing my throat and shaking off my nerves. “I want to do it. The bonding. I want to be part of the flight.”
No one was trying to force down lumpy porridge now. All five of them were staring at me, looking some version of stunned, except for Oren who was as close to smug as he would ever get.
“When?” Hiram asked, eyes bright with excitement.
“After breakfast?” I shrugged.
“Fuck breakfast,” Hiram shot back. “Tastes like vomit anyway. I hate cooking.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re not getting out of it, if that's what you were suggesting.”
“Is cooking part of my punishment?” he teased.
“No. That’s just you doing your share. I’ll come up with another punishment,” I replied primly. Levi snorted while Hiram grinned at me.
“What was the consensus on skipping breakfast and bonding now, then?” Hiram pushed, chuckling.
“I need to visit Ilia first,” Ezra interjected, standing and already moving away from the table. “Let him know we need a couple of days off. I’ll be back in a few hours.”
“A couple of days?” I repeated, looking between the other four. “Why would we need a couple of days?”
✽✽✽
I distracted myself by adding to the outline of my mural in the hallway while Ezra was gone. The other guys cleaned up after breakfast and were doing something they didn’t want me to see in the parlor. I left them to it. I needed to process everything that was going on, and we were about to commit to a lifetime together. I figured we could have a few minutes to ourselves.
What if my past came back to haunt them? The question had never been far from my mind. Was I strong enough to leave now, anyway? Did it even matter?
If I ever got caught, I’d go, I promised myself. I’d explain they had nothing to do with it, turn myself in, whatever it took. I’d made my choices, and I was happy with them, but I wouldn’t let anyone else suffer for them.