I’ll be fired for sounding like a lunatic. Then again, everyone’s terrified of Blake.”
She looks as sweet as angel food cake. Why should she have to be scared of that jerk? “Number one, you are better off single than you are being with a guy who treats you like a day-old biscuit. Number, two, Blake. And I mean literally, Blake is a big pile of number two. What’s his deal, anyway?”
She glances around cautiously, as if he might pop up out of a trash can and yell, “Booga booga booga!”
Then she leans in and talks in a low voice. “All I know is that being a Hudson is something he takes Very Seriously.” I can hear the capital letters when she says it. “He quotes his late father a lot. He’s just really intense about everything to do with the store. Like, he’ll walk by your desk, run his finger over it, and if there’s dust on it, he’ll give you this look that makes you want to die.” She grimaces.
An image of him running his finger over my bare flesh runs unbidden through my mind. Trailing along my arm, leaving a trail of gooseflesh… I shiver, trying to get my imagination under control.
“Right? He’s a nightmare,” Ariel says sympathetically. She’s mistaken the reason I’m shivering – thank God.
“Totally!” I nod like a crazed bobblehead, as if nodding will make my words true. “Absolutely! Like, Jason Vorhees in a fancy suit level of nightmare. Just thinking about him keeps me up at night.” Not a lie. Unfortunately, when I lie awake at night and think of him, I’m usually using my battery operated boyfriend at the same time.
She makes a face. “It’s a shame. It should be illegal to waste so much hotness on a Grade-A weenie like that.”
“Oh well.” I wave my hand, sweeping all thoughts of Blake into my mental dustbin where they belong. “He’s not even worth thinking about. Who are you shopping for today?”
Her little pixie face lights up. “Ooh, guess who my new client is?” She lowers her voice. “Jessamyn Jones!”
“Very impressive!” Jessamyn’s a child star on a popular TV sitcom about a family of witches.
“I love working with kids. That’s why most of our kid clients get sent my way.” I bet it doesn’t hurt that she’s so cute. With her big eyes and high squeaky voice, she looks a little like a kid’s toy herself. “I actually have a degree in elementary education, but this pays way better.” She looks a little wistful when she says that. Then she brightens up. “Anyway, I’m sure it’ll be no time before you’ve got your own client roster. I started here five years ago and worked my way up, and now I’ve got more clients than I know what to do with.”
“All kids?’
“I wish! Probably seventy-five percent of my clients are adults. Mostly nice. A fair amount of crazies. Like, CEOs with three mistresses and a wife and I have to keep all the gifts straight. Ladies buying wardrobes for their gigolos. That kind of thing. I could tell you stories. Well, give me half a margarita and I could tell you stories.” She giggles, a tinkling sound like the ringing of silver bells. “I’m a real lightweight.”
I laugh aloud. “Come hang out with me and my roommate some time. She’s an E.R. nurse. She can tell you the latest thing she’s pulled out of someone’s butt, and you can tell us the secrets of the rich and shameless.”
“Ooh! Ooh! What has she pulled out of people’s butts?” Ariel’s eyes fly open wide.
I grin, remembering yesterday morning. “Cucumber. A honking big cucumber.”
“Oh my God!” Ariel squeals in horrified delight. “What is wrong with people?”
“Based on the stories she brings home, so many things.” I shake my head in reminiscence. “So, so many things.”
Ariel giggles. “I am definitely down! All right, I have to go prepare for Jessamyn. Later, ’gator.”
She scampers off, just as Thérèse’s door open. Thérèse makes her way towards me, walking very slowly.
I stand up and twirl in my dress. It’s a Balenciaga silk print dress that I found at a thrift store and upcycled by adding lace sleeves and a matching lace trim to the hemline.
“I’m ready to learn!” A sudden attack of self-doubt seizes me. “What do you think? This is Hudson’s-appropriate, right?”
She stares at me, beads of sweat standing on her forehead. Then she leans down and vomits into a trash can.
That just happened. She looked at me and threw up.