North and Shaw Out of Office - Gregory Ashe Page 0,29
I asked you to clean your bathroom?”
“Yes, I swear, I’ll—”
North smiled and shook the leash. The metallic rattle ran through the house, and a moment later, the sound of tiny claws rasping on wood came sprinting towards the front door.
“I’ll be back by nine,” North said, passing the leash and the card. “I wrote instructions on the back.”
Shaw watched the door close as the sound of tiny paws raced towards him. He flipped over the card he had drawn.
Good for one night’s free dog sitting.
2
BEHIND SHAW, THE SOUND of tiny nails came to a stop. Shaw turned around slowly. The tiny Löwchen, still a puppy, shook his lion’s mane of gray and white hair. He eyed Shaw with what was obviously a high degree of doggie suspicion. And then he barked once.
“I don’t like it either.”
Another bark.
“Well, it certainly wasn’t my idea.”
Two sharp barks.
Shaw slumped against the wall, sliding down to sit on the floor. “I told him the exact same thing.”
The puppy came slowly down the hallway, a tiny growl building in his tiny throat. Shaw turned his hand over, palm up, and the puppy licked his fingers and glanced up.
“Aww.”
Then the puppy bit down. Hard.
“Son of a bitch,” Shaw shouted, dragging his hand away. “I’m bleeding. I’ve got rabies, and I’m going to go crazy and start foaming at the mouth, but it won’t matter because I’m going to bleed to death.”
The Löwchen jumped onto his legs, curled up, and went to sleep.
“This is insane. You’re insane. Get off me. Come on. Get off me.”
Lost in dreams, the puppy kicked once, as though in hot pursuit. Probably chasing the rest of Shaw’s fingers, Shaw thought grimly. Probably dreaming of how he was going to bite off each one.
Shaw managed to get his phone out of his pocket and dial.
Pari’s voice came on the line. “When I’m off the clock, I keep a separate account. I charge by the minute.”
“North used the damn coupon.”
Pari whispered something that sounded like give me a minute and then, a moment later, her voice came back louder. “Well, we knew that was a risk.”
“No, I said it was a risk. I said I wanted to give him a coupon for a free aura reading. I’m good at aura readings, Pari. I’m good at a lot of things. I could have written him a coupon for a chakra realignment. I could have written him a coupon for the best sex of his life.”
“What were you going to do? Get him a night with that cute guy from Queer Eye?”
“Pari!”
“I’m on a date.”
“The dog is here. He bit me. I think I’m dying.”
“Well, I can’t help you. Truck took me to Ruth’s Chris, and I ordered lobster.”
“You’re still dating Truck? Pari, he’s like, I don’t know, special.”
“He is special.”
“He’s a criminal.”
“He doesn’t complain about spending money on me. He likes spending money on me. That’s a nice change.”
“Are you still mad because I wouldn’t buy you that citrus-infused diamond? It was a scam, Pari. I don’t even think they know how to infuse citrus into a diamond. I don’t even know why you’d want it.”
“I’m hanging up now,” Pari sang. “Good luck!”
“Pari!”
“Listen, dogs like routine. Did North leave you a routine?”
“I don’t know. I think it’s smeared with blood and gore from my wounds.”
“Uh huh. Well, just follow the routine. How many days is North gone?”
“He’ll be back at nine.”
“October 9th?”
“No. Nine. Tonight.”
The call disconnected.
Staring down at the murderous puppy, Shaw wrestled with his options. One option was to kill the dog. Normally, Shaw was a pacifist—well, in theory. It was hard to be a pacifist and a private investigator. And, an important consideration was the fact that the puppy had drawn first blood. He had started this whole thing. It wasn’t Shaw’s fault if he finished it.
But the flaw in that course of action was that North loved the little dog. North would never admit it, but he did. He carried him around the office. He bought him toys. He mashed up disgusting things on the stove and baked treats. North, whose cooking repertoire consisted of Marie Callender and Chef Boyardee, baked treats.
Shaw sighed. No. He couldn’t kill the little monster.
Another option was to lock him up and wait for this nightmare to end. But this plan, too, was flawed. Because North would know. The little dog would scratch. Or he would whine. And somehow, North would know, and he’d be mad. At Shaw. Which was so insanely unreasonable that Shaw wanted to scream.
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