North and Shaw Out of Office - Gregory Ashe Page 0,16

two streams, his eyes wide and stunned. One punch. It had taken one punch. North felt like crowing. Shaw wasn’t going to believe it.

Then the man toppled forward, and North saw Shaw standing behind him, a shovel in one hand, a kid in the other. The kid was mouthing at Shaw’s collar, trying to get the fabric between its teeth, and Shaw was giggling and twisting as the kid’s nose tickled his collarbone.

“I—” Another burst of giggles. “I—the shovel, I—” More giggles.

“But I punched him,” North said. He even had proof; his hand hurt like hell already, and it was only going to get worse.

“I—” This time, the giggles almost made Shaw collapse, and all he managed to say was, “Good job, you did a—a—really good—” And then he dissolved into giggles.

North couldn’t really explain why this whole situation was such an affront to his dignity. The goats. The shovel. That damn giggling. He got to his feet, shaking out his hand, and said, “Thanks a fucking lot. I got up just fine on my own, thanks. Thank you.”

Shaw had fallen on his ass. The kid in his arms had a mouthful of his shirt and was going to town. Two more kids had wandered out and were investigating him as well.

“I guess I’ll go call the goat farm and tell them what’s going on. No, don’t get up. I’ll take care of it. No, really, Shaw. It’s fine. I’ve got it.”

Shaw didn’t answer; he just waved a hand, still laughing as kids crowded around him.

“I hit him really hard,” North said. “I basically had it handled.”

There were eight, maybe ten of the kids climbing all over Shaw now, and he was petting them and laughing and completely ignoring North. Somehow that made it all so much worse.

“They’re eating your fucking straw shoes,” North said, spinning on his heel and marching away. “I thought maybe you’d like to know.”

6

NOBODY WANTS A PONY climbing on them when they’re doing yoga.” Sister Hecate Moonbow-Rising was trying to squeeze through the door. North planted himself in the way, slowly leaning against the wood, forcing it shut inch by inch.

“That’s why she took the goats.” Sister Hecate Moonbow-Rising’s face narrowed to a sliver. She sucked in uneven lungfuls of air. “It’s really so simple when you understand. Ponies are all right—if I could just step inside for a moment, I’d really like to—oh. Oh my. The door, I think you’re closing the door. Ponies are all right, I suppose, but can you imagine having one climb on your back—just a minute, I’ll only be a minute, and I do want to thank your boyfriend, he was part of this—if you could just let me squeeze—oh! My ankle! And just imagine that, a pony on your back while you’re trying to do yoga. Have you ever heard anything so ridi—”

The door shut, the latch clicking softly, and North punched the button lock. Then, as an added measure, he pulled the security chain.

Sister Hecate Moonbow-Rising was tapping on the door. “I think my skirt is caught. If I could slip inside for just a minute, I really think you’d like to hear about the . . .”

North left her still talking.

“You could have let her in,” Shaw said. He kicked off the half-eaten straw shoes, pausing to hold one up and examine it mournfully, and then put his hands on his pants and began to shimmy out of them.

“Stop,” North said. “You’re not wearing any underwear.”

“You’ve seen me naked before. Plenty of times. And I was reading an article on HuffPost about the health advantages of sleeping without underwear. Did you know that even a small increase in body temperature—”

“Nope.”

“No, really, your sperm count—”

“Nope.”

Shaw stared at him. Then he shoved the jeans down and stepped out of them.

“You are sleeping in a pair of shorts. Something. Anything. Tuck would lose his shit if he found out.”

“We were roommates. It’s not like you never peeked.”

“Shaw.”

“Fine. But this is—this is—this is Puritanism.”

“Ok. Just put something on before I have to stare at your weiner for another minute.”

“You don’t have to stare. You like staring.”

“Now, Shaw.”

It took Shaw five minutes to produce a pair of tiny lycra shorts from his bag. It took almost another five minutes for him to put them on. North rubbed his eyes and tried not to admit to himself that yes, he liked looking. Quite a bit, in fact. And he had liked it back in college, too. Instead, he focused on one very