No Turning Back (Breaking the Rules #4) - A.M. Madden Page 0,25
in with two feet?”
Would she? I had no confidence whatsoever. Regardless, I said, “If not, well then, maybe it’s time to change that reality.”
Although I meant what I said, he laughed at me. “Yeah, okay. I’ll believe that when I see it. Instead of arguing with you, I should be wrapped around a hot blonde. Adios.” The line went dead, and so did my fucking heart as all the what-ifs consumed me.
Chapter Nine
Riana
April
Two weeks after arriving to Florida and one week after my date with Ryder I was officially a Floridian. The movers Ricky and Cooper hired had handled unpacking all my things from Jersey. Anything new I’d bought had been delivered already. And the professional organizer who showed up that day to properly arrange my kitchen cabinets and storage closets had me sitting on my new comfy couch watching it all unfold like a spectator.
By early evening, Ricky and Cooper were last to appear with delicious Thai takeout. As we enjoyed it around my oh-so-pretty kitchen island, it felt as though I had lived there for months and not merely hours.
Ryder called me often through it all. Turned out he had to travel for a few days to California and felt awful he wasn’t there for my move after offering his help. I assured him the moving company had handled it all. There wasn’t much I needed to do except unpack my clothes and personal things. His response to that was, “I’m sorry I missed helping with the personal things.”
I felt the same… and then I’d remember my situation. I had no one I could talk to about Ryder. Janie would be an enabler and push me into sleeping with him to get it out of my system. Cooper would most definitely focus on the whole fate and destiny thing, while moaning that maybe being his surrogate was a bad idea. And then there was Rebecca, who would encourage me to tell Ryder the truth and have faith he’d be okay with it.
There was no way to know that for sure. Although I’d understand where Ryder was coming from, I couldn’t be with someone so unsympathetic after the baby was born. I agreed with Cooper, and any man in my future would have to want me despite my obligation.
Deep in my gut I felt that Ryder would be supportive, especially since he had been during our time together. Because of those moments, so many times over these past few weeks I came close to picking up my phone and asking him to come over. But that was the Ryder I’d known years ago. He could’ve changed since then. So, of course, that fleeting thought had me chickening out each time.
Despite being plenty busy, I thought of him often. Specifically, how would he fit into my life? And if that wasn’t a reality, how would I move on for the second time? Getting over Ryder was one of the hardest things I ever had to endure. I knew I could if I had to do it again, but I just wasn’t sure I wanted to. The closer I came to being inseminated, the more I freaked out and let doubts take over my confidence regarding having a future with him. Back and forth my pendulum swung, and it made me dizzy.
Meanwhile, life went on. With my living situation settled, next on the agenda was being fertilized, and that day finally came. Ricky and Cooper had come over last night so we could all lean on each other for emotional support. Knowing I’d been a nervous wreck, they’d tried to distract me with movies and comfort food, and to their credit, it had worked… until now.
Today was a Monday, specifically the first of April… but today’s agenda was no joking matter. It was as real as it got. With luck, I was about to become a surrogate.
When I left for my appointment this morning, I really had no idea what to expect. I had read enough to know what would happen in the medical sense, but emotionally I was flying blind.
Since I was a gestational surrogate, my body had been prepared with hormones so my uterus would be ready to accept implantation of the fertilized eggs through in vitro fertilization. Ricky, Cooper, and I discussed the number of embryos to implant along with my doctor. After having read that the chances of success increased with more than one, I voted for two to be implanted.