No Turning Back (Breaking the Rules #4) - A.M. Madden Page 0,20
a barrier of sorts.
Not surprisingly, Ryder picked up on the confusion wreaking havoc within me. “Ree, the last thing I want to do is pressure you.”
“I don’t feel pressured,” I lied. I did feel pressure, but it came from within. It simply wasn’t a good time in my life to start a relationship, most especially one that would consume me, as being with Ryder would. But busting through the doubts was a little voice reminding me of what Cooper had said—the right person would accept my situation as it was and still want to be with me.
The thing was, to see if that was true would mean I’d have to open up to Ryder, and the risk outweighed that slim chance he would be okay with it.
It wasn’t helping that those mesmerizing royal-blue eyes exerted a hypnotic hold on me. “Then why do you look like you’re in physical pain?” he asked. Instantly, I forced myself to relax with an over-the-top smile. Ryder chuckled at the obvious adjustment. “Much better.” Taking a moment, he continued to drill those hypnotic eyes right through me. “Look, Ree, can I just put it out there?”
“Okay.”
“I would like to see you again… a lot.”
My heart thumped frantically. I honestly would like the same, but I felt as though I was deceiving him. Running into him at this point in my life not only felt like a cruel joke the universe pulled on me but also put me between a rock and a hard place. I wasn’t in the position where I could tell him what was about to happen—not yet. If I had run into him later, the obvious would’ve occurred. I would’ve considered it fate that brought us back together, and nothing could stop me from taking that leap of faith in the name of love.
When the day that I could share my news came, I knew Ryder would understand why I held back from telling him, but would he be okay with me having a baby for two other men? I had no idea if he would.
“So, I want to see you… I think you want to see me based on that look on your face… this is a no-brainer.” He lifted my hand to press his firm lips against it. I wanted to melt into him, cling to his magnificent body and hold on for dear life.
I couldn’t.
“You’re right. I would like to see you as well.” I paused and then interjected that one little word that could be as uncomfortable as a wet blanket. “But—”
“No buts,” he said with a firm shake of his head. “Let’s go slow, take things one day at a time. Right now, we’re two people out on a date… the only difference is we sidestepped the getting-to-know-you part, and we’re just getting reacquainted. How does that sound, Ms. Carter?”
I smiled in a way only Ryder could provoke from me. “Okay, Mr. Carter. I’d like to get reacquainted… as friends.”
Sure, I could do that… take it one day at a time, build our friendship. If I didn’t lead him on in any way, and kept things between us on a friends-getting-reacquainted basis until I was able to tell him the truth, then all would be good.
And then he had to go and ruin my theory by saying, “Ree, I’ll take you any way I can, although, for the record, I want all of you.”
I was in hell… the worst form of torture a woman who hadn’t had sex in far too long could endure short of bursting into flames.
It was all Ryder’s fault by slipping back into playing the role of a man I couldn’t resist. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind he knew that and used it to his advantage. During our delicious meal with the romantic beach-view backdrop, he pulled out all the stops—staring intently in that way that made me feel naked or releasing that sexy chuckle that I always loved.
And then he had to make it worse. “Want to take a walk on the beach?”
“Uh-huh.” Apparently, coherent words failed me.
He smiled while offering a hand, and when I accepted, he entwined our fingers and led me out of the restaurant. Damn him. I had been struggling enough without significant physical contact. By just holding my hand, he managed to make me a turned-on hot mess.
He also evoked a ton of questions I had regarding his return to Jersey. Once we removed our shoes and began a slow stroll on the powdery