“Out with it, woman,” I barked at Alys from the passenger seat of her SUV. “We want details.”
“All of them!” chimed Lili.
“And of your date, too!” piped Sheri.
We all cracked up at that.
Since the guys were heading to the studio, we were going to the farmers market, and Lili had ditched Lewis to come with us. It was nine o’clock, so hopefully, we would beat the crowds with their families and only have to wrestle through the very old patrons who showed up when the farmers did.
“Well, we went to dinner at this really awesome place called Two Fat Chefs,” she started. “The food was fantastic. I had the pork medallions with mushrooms and Madeira sauce, grilled asparagus, and horseradish mashed potatoes, and X got the rib eye, which I kinda wished I had gotten after he gave me a bite.”
“Seriously, you’re gonna lay down the food porn on us?” scoffed Lili.
“I’m telling you all of it!” Alys barked back.
“Hush, Lili. Food porn is good, too,” Sheri said. Her voice was so sincerely sweet that not even Lili could come up with a snarky reply.
“And we shared this chocolate lava cake for dessert that had homemade vanilla ice cream, fudge, and chocolate shavings with a strawberry–mint leaf salsa. It was incredible.”
“That does sound pretty fuckin’ tasty,” Lili conceded.
“Then, we went to the House of Blues to catch some live bands, and everybody there knew X. Oh my God, Kenna, you should have been there! There were a shitload of famous musicians. I nearly pissed myself with excitement!”
“Cool!” I replied.
“It was crazy. Anyway, just some phenomenal music going on, Southern rock type of shit. And X was introducing me as his girlfriend to everyone we met, so I guess we’re official.”
“Aw,” crooned Sheri.
“Took you long enough,” said Lili.
“And then we went back home—”
“Don’t I know it!” Lili raged. “I came in at seven this morning to find that fire crotch walking around our house, naked, as if he lived there! That fucking hideous shade of orange burned my retinas and seared its way into my brain! For two fucking hours afterward, I could see it every time I blinked. It’s that bright!”
Sheri and I positively howled with laughter while Alys did her very best not to join in. Pursing her lips, she concentrated hardcore on driving. If she hit silent-laughing mode, she’d steer the car into oncoming traffic and kill us all.
“He was just getting a glass of water,” said Alys.
“He scarred me for life!”
Tears poured down my face, and Alys pulled over onto the shoulder of the long stretch of highway, so she could safely bust out laughing, too.
Ten minutes later, we were back on the road.
“So, yeah…” Alys said with a hint of the giggles. “We had sex, and it was awesome.”
“Did you do it in the dark? Did his pubic torch light the way?” asked Lili scathingly.
“Just the nightstand light on,” Alys continued. Then, she went into massive amounts of details of her first night of sexual passion with X. “I mean, seriously, he would’ve spent the whole night going down on me, but finally, I was like, ‘Would you just shove it in already?’ And he did, and he knows how to use that thing, let me tell you.”
Sheri spontaneously clapped. “Yay! He really is in love with you!”
I turned around, and Lili was staring at Sheri in complete surprise, too.
“How do you figure?” asked Alys.
“The guys don’t go down on chicks,” she stated. “Never. It’s this thing they have. You only go down on the one you love. Phil called it ‘kissing the gates your children will pass through’ or some such shit.”
“Yeah.” I snorted and faced forward again. “That sounds like something he’d say. It was probably ‘you only fuckin’ put your face next to the hole your fuckin’ kids will shoot out of.’”
Heartily came the chortles from the backseat.
“Really?” breathed Alys. She looked to me. “Phil goes down on you, right?”
“Are you kidding me? You’d think I had set up an all-you-can-eat buffet down there!”
“Does Jason do the deed on you?” Lili asked Sheri.
“He didn’t for, like, the first year. But after we got really close, yeah. Haven’t had it since his face got busted, but that’s understandable.”
“What about you, Lili? Lewis enjoying the Colombian cuisine?” I asked.
“Yep! No complaints in that department.”
“Well, how nice. We’re all getting some head,” commented Sheri.
Traipsing through the outdoor market, we found chicken thighs and a huge skirt steak for the barbeque later and had the vendors hold