Grinning at her obvious embarrassment, I felt the need to tease her a little. “Uh, yeah. That’s how you’re supposed to do it, right?”
“It’s just that he never—not that I know from actual experience or anything. I’ve never with him—um…”
“Sheri, he’s told me what it was like for him and why he used to do it, too.” In the face of her extreme discomfort, my teasing streak fizzled. I didn’t have it in me to be mean.
She sagged into herself in her relief. “Oh, good. There were girls who thought he was a freak because he refused to put it all the way in—Brigid especially.”
“Didn’t she understand why?”
“I don’t think she cared, and to be honest, I don’t think he did either. She just wanted to fuck hot rock stars, and he got tired of fucking random girls. For her, it was all about what he could do for her rather than just enjoying being with him. I think she only put up with him because he was loaded.”
“She put up with him?” I said, dazed. “How can he be considered something to put up with? He’s fucking amazing!”
“Yeah, well, she’s a fucking cunt, such a shit talker. She constantly made fun of him behind his back and to me of all people.”
“Did you ever tell him?”
“No. With her, he seemed…I don’t know…grounded for the first time in a long time. I can’t say he was happy with her, just less miserable. The day he left her behind, she was fucking livid. I was dreading the fact that she was going to be coming on tour with us. But with no explanation, right before we were scheduled to leave, he ended it. I think he saw her true colors when that happened. He started talking about finding you again after that.”
“Huh.”
“I think he felt that she was just a way to pass the time. She was gorgeous, but she would never be you. He told me…he told me that he knew you weren’t anything like her, that he knew in his heart that you were a beautiful soul, and that you were all the goodness and happiness he needed in the world, so he should stop kidding himself with trying to find it in other women because there was only one you.”
“Really?”
“Really. I didn’t understand what he meant then, but I do now.”
“Do you remember us from that night? Me and Alys and Lili at Bougainvillea?”
She smiled. “I do. I remember how badass you all seemed, and I needed to push Alys out of the way so that Jason would see me. I couldn’t risk him spotting one of you and falling madly in love with any of you.”
“You knew him back then?” I asked, surprised.
“He was at the strip club I worked at a couple of nights before the show, and I served him his beer. He told me to check out his band and that he wanted to see me after…so I went. And that’s when I met the rest of the guys.”
“No shit.”
“I saw when Phil noticed you,” she told me, smiling sweetly. “The look on his face…I’ll never forget that. He looked as though someone had slapped him. Bam! Just like that. That’s why I was so shocked when he found me and Jace, and…I figured he was lost to you from that one moment. And it turns out, he really was.”
“What made you do it?” I asked quietly.
With a small shrug, she replied, “It was always a turn-on for me. I…I wasn’t prostituting myself. I want you to know that. But when I was working in the strip club, sometimes—promise me you won’t say anything to anyone?”
“Of course. Whatever you say to me is in the strictest confidence, Sheri. Always.”
“Sometimes, I used to take guys to the parking lot. For a long time, the only way I could get turned on or have an orgasm was if I was doing…that, you know? But I never took money or anything for it. It was for me.”
I nodded. I couldn’t sympathize, but I could empathize.
“I’d go weeks without doing it, but then something would trigger it inside me, and I’d go on a binge. Sometimes, two or three times a night for several days. I always told myself that I shouldn’t ever be in a committed relationship because I would need it, and no man deserved to