No Good Mitchell - Riley Hart Page 0,92

I have to take this. I’m probably going to need to run into the office. It was good seeing you, Cohen.” Dad walked over, kissed Mom, and then was on his way. The scene wasn’t unfamiliar. He didn’t love me the way Mom did. I’d always felt like I hadn’t been loved by two fathers.

Once the car started in front of the house, Mom said, “Now, are you going to tell me what’s really going on?” Her question didn’t surprise me.

I averted my eyes from hers. I’d already gone through this more than once with Isaac. I couldn’t imagine doing it again with her. “Nothing. I just realized it wasn’t where I belong.”

Mom reached over and put her hand on mine. “I don’t think that’s true. It doesn’t have anything to do with me, does it? Children move away from their parents all the time. No matter how many times we talked about it, I know you worry that by having a part of your biological past, you’re betraying me. That’s not how it is at all, Cohen. I love you. I will always love you, and I know you love me. That’s not going to change because you move or because you run a business that was left to you by your biological father.”

The thing was, I knew that. I was a smart guy. In my head, I knew these things. It was my heart that struggled with it, struggled with accepting that I was lovable. It was a whole lot easier to hold on to any and every reason I could not to let Brody in.

Mom sighed. “I know your dad and I aren’t typical parents. I always look back on our past and wonder if I did something wrong. Should we have changed your last name? Looked into your history when you were young? There are so many questions. And I know you and your dad struggle to connect outside of business stuff. I’m sure that wasn’t easy on you either, but we all did the best we could. You’re our son no matter what.”

“I know that. I do. And you’re my mom no matter what too.” God, relationships were complicated. It didn’t matter what kind of relationship it was. It was all part of being alive, of being human. “I just… I found out some things, and I don’t know if that’s where I belong. But being here, back in San Francisco, doesn’t feel right either. Nothing does, and I’m questioning myself in ways I never have. I don’t even know who in the hell I am.” I groaned. “I don’t know if any of this makes sense. If my thoughts or feelings make sense. I just feel…”

“Lost?”

“Yeah, I do. And I think I always have.” My eyes darted toward the table. I’d always felt like that, hadn’t I? Untethered, like nothing was connecting me to earth. Sure, Mom did in some ways, and Isaac did in others, but without them, it was like I could float away, with no real direction, and no one would notice. And maybe I wouldn’t even notice because I’d always felt lost anyway.

Then I surprised myself by adding, “I fell in love.” And as much as those words hurt, it felt good to say them to her.

“That explains a lot. It’s different looking through our own eyes once we fall in love with someone. Makes the world a little brighter, but it makes our insecurities brighter too because it means we have something to lose, something that really matters.”

That was exactly it. That was how I felt. “It’s…complicated. His dad hates me.”

“Well, you’re not planning on dating him, are you?” she teased, and I smiled.

“I don’t want to get between Brody and his family.”

“It doesn’t sound like you are. You would never do something like that. If Brody’s father allows it to cause problems in their relationship, that’s his fault, not yours.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that it would hurt Brody.”

“Losing you probably hurts Brody too.”

I rolled my eyes. “He’ll get over it.”

“Why? Because losing you is insignificant? Oh, Cohen. You really think that, don’t you? You try to come off so confident, but you don’t feel it.”

I fiddled with the tablecloth, unable to answer. Hating that my reply would be yes.

“Sweetheart, I know you have a lot to work through, between losing your mom and your dad not being around, foster care and adoption, and then finding out your biological dad knew about you. I’m sure your father and