The Ninth Inning (The Boys of Baseball #1) - J. Sterling Page 0,4

in places where I knew he’d be. It was too hard to see him and not give in. Any pep talks to stay strong that I’d given myself flew right out the window if he was around. And he knew it. Cole had always known the effect he had over me. I used to pretend that I had the same effect over him as well, so we were at least even in our fuckedupness, but it was a lie. I lied to myself all the time when it came to him, apparently. But I was done with all that.

I had very little life experience to pull from when it came to guys like Cole Anders, so everything about college athletes’ real relationships and the idea of love were brand-new to me. If this were a class I was getting graded on, I’d currently be getting a big, fat F.

It wasn’t as if I hadn’t ever dated in high school—because I did. But not that often, and I’d definitely never been in love before. Trying to compare the boys from my high school to the guys here at Fullton State was like trying to force a square peg into a round hole. There was no comparison. Life here was different … and exactly what I craved. Fullton State had been my chance at a fresh start. The opportunity to get away from my small city in the valley where everyone knew everyone else.

After witnessing a vicious lie being spread around school about my best friend, I’d steered clear of all parties, jocks, and most guys. I watched how quickly someone’s world could go from inspiring to devastating. That was when I started getting interested in social media and its influence on society. And why I’d chosen to major in it and planned to work with people nationwide.

I wanted to make a difference, but I wanted to do it with integrity. Something the internet seemed to lack in gross amount these days, no matter how hard people tried to pretend otherwise.

#RealLife.

#NoFilter.

#Bullshit.

After that night in August, I’d decided that Cole Anders had broken me for the last time. If he could look me in the eyes and tell me he didn’t want me and never would, then it was high time I actually believed him.

When a girl liked a guy, we simply wanted him to like us back. And we had a really hard time believing that he didn’t or that we couldn’t change his mind. Why did we girls not believe the things that guys said to us? We never took their words at face value, always searching for hidden meanings or trying our damnedest to figure out what he really meant when he had basically laid it out point-blank. My guess was that it was all the contradictory hook-ups, the late-night phone calls, the kisses, and the occasional sex. It made us think that the words were the lies and the actions were the truth. At least, that was what I’d been telling myself since the first night I met him freshman year.

I’d finally decided to believe Cole’s words. Screw his conflicting behavior that had left me feeling more confused than anything else. Forget all the times he’d told me he needed me when the sky was dark, only to act like he didn’t when the light finally came.

That hot summer night was when I’d realized that whatever we had been doing all these years, even though it had never once been defined, was done. Cole had never been my boyfriend. Sure, we had slept together a handful of times, but he’d never once asked me on a real date. And I was done feeling like a fool because of it. How had I allowed this much time to pass, only to find that we were still in the exact same place? It was embarrassing. And I was embarrassed.

There had been times over the last seven months that I truly thought I was over Cole. And then the urge to text him or see him would wash over me so strongly that I felt like I’d made no progress at all. In times like those, I’d pull up the note app on my phone and read what I’d typed there.

Don’t you dare call him. Do not text him. He doesn’t want you. He looked you in the eyes and told you he didn’t want to be with you. He told you to disappear from his life, so give him what he