were a lot more fun than the solemn rituals I’d been made to observe as a child in Sector 12. Mareeka had made Emergence fun, but she believed in the Sky Mother and Her Powers about as much as I did, so it had been more about playing games and cooking special desserts we got to decorate ourselves. In the Fold, we got dressed up, danced, drank, laughed, and forgot for a night that we were the hunted.
That was after humbly thanking the Sky Mother for existing, of course.
But even then, all dressed up, happy, safe, and not lacking for invitations once the parties got started, I hadn’t had the slightest interest in doing what I was about to do now. I didn’t delude myself into believing I’d turned down offers because I thought Gabe was still out there somewhere. I did wonder, and I hoped he was, but I hadn’t held back because of him. I’d held back because I hadn’t been ready to trust any of those men with myself, not with something so intimate, even though they were rebels like me and I trusted them with so much else.
Things had been done to me against my will, parts of me stolen without my consent while I fought, strapped down, small, scared, and powerless as adults loomed over me with needles, lab coats, and masks. Poking. Prodding. Taking. People I should have been able to trust had done that to me, to my body. They’d used me, and those experiences had formed me. I didn’t trust easily, especially when it came to getting inside my personal space. Inside me.
The funny thing was, with Shade Ganavan, I wanted to trust. Tonight, I would show him that.
* * *
The moment Shade heard the tentative knock, he knew who was at his door. It had to be Tess.
His heartbeat sped up, part excitement, part dread. He was so conflicted that he wanted to bash his head against the wall. Maybe then he’d either forget his need to reclaim his docks, or forget his feelings for Tess. Then he’d know what to do.
Earlier, he’d handed his bill to Jax and walked away from the Squirrel Tree without trying to see Tess. She’d slipped into the ship again at dusk carrying an exhausted Bonk. They’d played chase-the-rope around the platform until the cat had finally plopped down for a nap.
After she’d disappeared, Shade had been able to put on the finishing touches without being distracted by how much he wanted to kiss and touch Tess.
His chest had ached like it was being squashed in a giant clamp when he’d left the Endeavor’s platform without seeing her again, but he’d almost been hoping that Tess’s thieving instincts would kick in, and that she’d fly away immediately, leaving him shafted for his labor and his parts. That would have cost him a chunk of money, but he wouldn’t have chased after her, and that would have been that.
But no, she wasn’t a petty thief. And now she was at his door.
His whole body in one big knot, Shade walked across the dimmed shop to let her in. He’d had more than a week to turn her over to Bridgebane, and he hadn’t done it. He’d fixed her ship. He’d bought her half a door. Logically, that told him he’d known deep down and for a while now that he wasn’t going to betray her. The question now was, did he warn her before she left? Did he tell her the truth? Did he try to keep her here, with him? How deeply fucked was he willing to get?
Shade opened the door. Tess was wearing little boots and a dress. Heat shot through him. Those long legs were just what he needed wrapped around his waist.
“Hey.” She swept her long bangs back behind her ear, looking nervous.
“Hey,” he echoed, stepping aside so that she could come in. Once she’d passed him, he closed the door and threw the lock again, shutting them inside.
Tess walked straight to the counter with the register and plunked down a big pile of universal currency. “I’m sorry, I had to hold back about a hundred units to pay for the Squirrel Tree docking fee earlier tonight. You were right. It was way too much.”
Shade started to shrug. It didn’t matter, because he wasn’t going to take her money anyway. The second he’d seen her, he’d known, but she went on before he could tell her that.