Shin didn’t look at me, although I’d jumped up to fetch him a plate of fried noodles. I had a sinking feeling. Perhaps he’d thought over all the nasty accusations I’d made on Tuesday night and decided that he hated me after all.
“You’ll stay for the weekend?” my mother asked. Shin nodded.
Except for the papery skin beneath her eyes and the way she took the stairs more slowly, she was almost back to normal, which made me feel less guilty about leaving her.
“I’m going back to Ipoh after lunch,” I reminded her.
“Can’t Mrs. Tham spare you until Sunday?”
Mrs. Tham had in fact said that there was no need to rush back, but I couldn’t possibly tell my mother that I was getting paid to dance with foreigners at a private party. It was the first and last time I’d do anything like this, I decided, because I was going to ask Robert for a loan. Far better to owe him money than the loan shark my mother had gone to for her mahjong debts. The next installment was due in less than a week. I gritted my teeth. If my stepfather found out, there’d be none of this quiet sitting around the dining table. His rage was sudden and unpredictable; he might be icily practical about it—or not. Glancing at my mother’s lowered head, I only knew it wasn’t worth the risk.
“Sambal,” grunted my stepfather, holding out the dish without looking at me.
As I spooned the aromatic chili paste out, I listened to the three of them talking. Shin asked my mother how she was feeling and discussed tin-ore prices with his father—a normal, polite conversation, though it rankled. Perhaps because they were treating Shin as an equal now. Leastways, more of an equal than me. I sat quietly, eating my noodles. Shin didn’t speak to me at all.
And now my mother was going on about Robert and how often he’d been coming by. I shot a swift glance at Shin, but he merely looked bored.
“It would be nice to have Robert over for dinner. To thank him for everything, you know,” my mother said hopefully.
“Ask him to come next Friday,” said my stepfather. This surprised me. He’d never taken any interest in my friends. “You’ll be home, too, Shin.”
“Of course.” Shin’s face was expressionless.
“Ji Lin and I had a talk the other night,” my stepfather went on. Alarmed, I stared at him. What was going on with my stepfather today?
“About what?” My mother glanced anxiously at me.
“I told her that if she gets married, she can go ahead and do whatever she wants. Whether it’s nursing or becoming a teacher or running away to join the circus.” He put a spoonful of sambal on his plate and squeezed lime juice on it.
I lifted my eyes. “You promised, didn’t you?”
“Yes. When you’re married, you won’t be my responsibility, or your mother’s, either.” To my surprise, my stepfather wasn’t looking at me. Instead, he was watching Shin. Very carefully, like a cat observing a lizard.
Shin continued eating with bored indifference. Just last weekend at the hospital, he’d told me angrily to tell him before I got married because I was bound to make a foolish decision, but there was no trace of that concern right now. His eyes were cold, and they never once met mine. Pushing back my chair, I murmured something about packing and went upstairs. Perhaps I shouldn’t have been surprised. I knew how little my stepfather thought of me, how useless I was as a girl, and not even his own daughter. But for Shin to freeze me out again was more painful than expected. I wondered, not for the first time, whether I loved him or hated him.
As I folded the thin cotton blanket, my mother came into my room. Glancing timidly at me, she sat on the bed. “Is Robert picking you up?”
“No.”
“You know, I’d be very happy if it worked out with him.”
“He hasn’t proposed to me,” I said tersely.
“But if he does, will you think about it?”
“All right.”
I raised my eyes to see Shin’s head poke in. As usual, he didn’t take a single step into my room. It was an old habit, though what did it matter now since neither of us lived here anymore?
“Father wants to know where the receipts are,” he said to my mother.
“Oh, I’ll get them.” She got up and so did I. I didn’t want to be left alone with Shin. Remembering how I’d lifted my face