barely turning his head. And I’d known then that Shin never meant to come home again.
Traitor, I thought. Deserter.
I threw myself on the neatly stripped bed, wondering if Fong Lan had lain here with Shin, and what they had done together. Whether he had unbuttoned her blouse slowly, and bent to kiss her, his hand sliding up to cup her breast. Had he smiled lazily at her the way he had at me, looking down through his lashes? Lying there in the darkness, I squeezed my eyes shut. I must kill it quickly: this raw, newborn emotion that fluttered in my chest.
* * *
So when Friday afternoon came round and I heard my stepfather’s voice raised in greeting in the front of the shophouse, I told myself that I mustn’t run out to greet Shin like a loyal dog. Still, my pulse quickened as footsteps made their way down the long passageway, all the way to the back kitchen where I was chopping up a steamed chicken. It was best to look cheerful, I decided. Not as though I’d stayed up half the night catching up on ten years’ worth of jealousy in one fell swoop. Cheerful and brisk, that was the way to go.
“Back again?” I said. “I was afraid you got squashed by a lorry.”
Turning, I was mortified to discover that it wasn’t Shin, but Robert who stood behind me.
“Is my driving really that bad?” he asked in surprise.
“I’m sorry—I thought you were Shin.”
Robert’s eye brightened at my flustered expression. “I don’t mind,” he said. “I like it when you talk to me like that, Ji Lin.” This wasn’t good. The way he said my name, shyly yet with pleasure, had all the hallmarks of infatuation. I’d seen it before at the dance hall, though it was easier to shrug off while being smoky-eyed Louise.
“I always envied Shin and Ming,” said Robert. “And how the three of you were so close growing up.”
I tried to laugh it off. “You have sisters, don’t you?”
“It’s not the same.” He drew closer, and I glanced at him in alarm. If he tried to go in for a kiss again, I might end up flinging the chicken at him. I wondered why I was so resistant to him. After all, he was a good catch. Not knowing what else to do, I served him some steamed sweet rice cakes, the kind that were puffy like clouds.
“Did you say that your father is on the board of the Batu Gajah District Hospital?” I asked casually.
He nodded through a mouthful of cake.
I took out the copy I’d made of the lists in Pei Ling’s package. It was worth a try, if he had any information that could shed light on them. “Do you recognize any of these names?”
Robert studied it for a long moment. “Lytton Rawlings—he’s the pathologist. And this one, William Acton, is a general surgeon.”
“What about J. MacFarlane?”
“I don’t think he’s on staff.” Robert frowned. “But I’ve heard that name before. There was an odd story going around, something to do with a woman’s death up in Kamunting. Where did you get these lists from—the hospital?”
A chill shadow swam below me. I regretted asking Robert, with his blundering, well-meaning ways.
“It’s nothing,” I said.
“You look so sad, Ji Lin,” said Robert. “Are you worried about anything? Because if you are, you should tell me.”
His face with its silly, fashionably thin mustache peered anxiously at me. Of course I had worries. Worries about mahjong debts, loan sharks, and losing my part-time job. Plus the small matter of severed fingers and falling in love with my stepbrother, but I couldn’t possibly tell Robert any of this. At that moment, Ah Kum walked in. Finding us gazing at each other over the kitchen table, she backtracked with a congratulatory smirk.
My mother pressed Robert to stay for dinner, but he had a previous engagement. I was relieved. Shin still hadn’t arrived, and it was better if they didn’t meet. He had a bristling antagonism towards Robert that was part envy and part I didn’t know what—natural dislike, I supposed.
To my surprise, my stepfather came out to see Robert off with me. After his sleek, cream-colored behemoth had taken off with a squeal of brakes, leaving a skid mark on the edge of the curb, the two of us were left standing on the street. My stepfather, chewing on a toothpick, was expressionless as ever, but I felt his mood soften, which gave me the courage to say,