shield”—as though it were something valiant. “I’m sure he won’t do it, the old bastard.”
That was usually Shin’s line, not mine. Generally I avoided calling his father names. By doing so now, I’d crossed an invisible boundary.
I was never quite sure how Shin felt about his father. After all, my mother often made foolish decisions that made me feel like shaking her, but I still loved her. I suspected it might be the same way for Shin, no matter what his father did. Perhaps that was what it meant to be family—you were shackled together by obligations that you could never escape.
But instead of getting annoyed, he gave me that thoughtful stare again. “How do you know so much about things like this?”
All I really knew came from listening to the girls at work. They said that the best thing was French letters, or condoms, widely distributed since the Great War. But I couldn’t explain how I’d learned that to him.
“It comes from not having any feminine delicacy,” I said crossly.
Shin said, “If I can get him to agree, he’ll probably keep his promise.”
Yes, that stiff-necked, cold man would keep a promise. Just as he would never forgive a debt. Shin’s words set off a faint click in my head. Suddenly, I understood.
“You made a deal with him.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“I’m not talking about today. I meant two years ago. When he broke your arm.”
I’d caught Shin by surprise; I could see it in his frown and how he dropped his head, staring at the soup.
“You did, didn’t you? What was it about?”
But Shin’s mouth tightened. He never would explain to me what had happened that night.
“Well, I can make a deal with him, too.”
“Don’t.” Shin caught my wrist, a swift hard movement. I flinched. Realizing himself, he slowly unpeeled his fingers. “You must never make a deal with my father. Promise me, Ji Lin.”
I didn’t say anything. There was a way to get what I wanted from my stepfather. The question was, what would he want in return?
* * *
It was very dark on the way home. The shapes of the houses as they leaned against each other, windows shuttered against the night, looked all wrong to me. When Shin returned to Singapore, I’d have no one to confide in about family troubles. It was different for him. He had someone else.
“The ring,” I said, remembering. “I need to give it back to you.”
“Keep it for now,” said Shin. He’d been very quiet since dinner; a dangerous sign because it meant he was thinking about something. “What were you doing with Robert earlier?”
“We happened to run into each other. By the way, what did you do with Pei Ling’s package?”
Shin frowned. “It was silly of you to get involved with her. I think it’s going to be troublesome.”
“I just wanted to help,” I said, dismayed. “Did you open it?”
“Of course I did! You should never keep unknown packages for people. Didn’t you think it was odd that she should seize on you, a stranger, to retrieve something for her?” He said coldly, “Your name means ‘wisdom.’ Sometimes I think you’re incredibly stupid for someone who’s supposed to be clever.”
I was furious. It wasn’t through lack of brains that I wasn’t progressing in life. “Well, your name means ‘faithfulness,’ yet you switch women all the time!”
That was a low blow, and Shin set his shoulders and walked faster, leaving me behind. I followed, fuming, though I knew that his name meant more than faithfulness. Xin also stood for integrity and loyalty, just as all the Virtues had deeper and wider meanings, and I couldn’t really complain that Shin failed in those areas. In the darkness, I thought again about what the little boy had said in my dream. There’s something a bit wrong with each of us.
I’d been walking slowly, not wanting to give Shin the satisfaction of chasing after him, but when I turned the corner, he was waiting for me. Once, annoyed that I always tagged along, another boy had locked me into a disused shed. He’d run off laughing and I’d been reduced to panicked tears until Shin had come searching for me later. Recalling this, I mumbled, “I’m sorry.” He started walking again, two steps ahead. Soon he’d return to Singapore. The next time I saw him, he’d be bringing his fiancée back. I felt that painful pressure in my throat again, as though I’d swallowed a chopstick.