Next Man Up (Making the Score #2) - Tawdra Kandle Page 0,122

holy shit, I don’t know why I didn’t. At first, I thought you wouldn’t believe me, which was stupid, because you’ve never been anything but a loyal friend. And then later—well, there wasn’t any reason to say anything. But if you’re looking back at Matt and seeing him through the suicide-colored glasses, you should know the whole truth. That summer he lived with us, Matt attacked me. He tried to rape me.”

Gia went pale, reaching for a chair to steady herself. “Oh, my God, Zelda. But you never said . . . Jesus Christ, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“He was drunk, and he was buzzed on something else, too. He was wired. You were out, and I was in the apartment alone. Matt decided that my reputation meant I’d be more than happy to spread my legs for him, too.” I remembered that horrible afternoon with wicked clarity. “I’m strong and I’m tough, G. I protect myself. Even in my wildest days, I didn’t go into a hook-up without an escape plan and a bottle of pepper spray. But this time, I was in my own bedroom, and I was utterly unprepared. He was crazy strong, and if Eli hadn’t come along . . . I don’t know what would’ve happened. But he did. All Matt was able to do was push me onto the bed and spout off a lot of shit. I was okay in the end—just freaked out.”

Gia hunched over as though I’d punched her in the stomach. “Zelda, God. If I’d known, I’d have . . .” She trailed off.

“Hey.” I rubbed her back. “I’m not telling you this so that you’ll feel guilty. I want you to see Matt for who he was. You need to realize that it’s okay to be mad at him for what he did before he killed himself. You’re right that you can’t blame him for the suicide. I wonder if Matt didn’t end up confronting his own monsters that last night of his life and finding out that they all wore his face. He was weak, G. You don’t have to hate him for that, but you don’t have to live the rest of your life in penance, either.”

She nodded. “But what if that’s the only way I know how to live anymore?”

I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her, tight. “I think I know someone who can help you with that, if you’re really serious about getting better.”

I’d first met Darla Frank when I went to work at The Food Jungle. She volunteered her counseling services there, and I knew she specialized in post-traumatic stress. For a long time, I’d thought that she could help Gia, but the time had to be right. Now it was.

Gia nodded, but I could tell she was shaky. I squeezed her hand. “I’m going to text you Darla’s number, and I want you to promise me that you’ll call her this week. But for now . . .” I paused. “I need to make a quick trip back to Lancaster, just overnight. Will you be okay if I leave you here?”

“Yeah. I could use a little alone time, I think.” She glanced up at me through eyelashes that were still tear-coated. “Thank you, Zelda. Thank for telling me this today. I needed to hear it.”

I let out a long breath. “I needed to say it. I think—maybe holding onto that secret wasn’t good for me, either. But now I feel lighter.” I smiled. “What is that they say? The truth shall set you free. Maybe today it set two people free.”

Gia’s mouth curved into a half-smile. “Freedom can be scary.”

I laughed softly. “You’re telling me. But we’re strong women. We scoff in the face of fear.”

“Keep reminding me that.” She hugged me again. “Be safe, Z. Love you.”

A lump rose in my throat. “Love you, too, Gia. See you in a couple of days.”

My visits back to Lancaster had been few and far between since my sophomore year of college—when Eli and I had gotten more serious. My grandparents knew about him—I mentioned him now and then—but I’d never brought him home for a visit. There were probably some subconscious reasons for that, I thought as I drove up the long driveway that led to the farmhouse.

Home. This place had memories that had made me who I was, and hurts that still defined me, no matter how much I ran from them. But as I’d told Gia, it was time