Next Man Up (Making the Score #2) - Tawdra Kandle Page 0,114

He didn’t know what happened, because he’d done nothing wrong. He’d been my best friend, my lover and my one safe harbor. It was me who wasn’t worthy. It was me who’d realized how deficient I was, how incapable of holding onto anything real and lasting.

“Then one day, just before the end of the semester, I came back to my dorm and there he was, sitting on the floor outside my room. He looked pitiful. He begged me to hear him out . . . and I did. Eventually.” Carrie winked at us, and Gia laughed.

“Way to go, Mrs. R. Making him work for it.”

“Please call me Carrie, Gia. You’re old enough and you’ve known me long enough. But yeah, I did make him work for it. I actually made him sit outside in the hallway while I went into my room. Then I told him he could talk, but he wasn’t come inside until I was ready. So he had to pour out his heart with everybody who lived on my floor listening in.”

“Aw, poor Daddy.” Quinn’s lower lip jutted out. “You were mean to him.”

“He had it coming,” Carrie returned stoutly. “I did forgive him. After a week of letting him twist in the wind, that is.”

“Why did he ghost you in the first place?” I had a hunch I knew, but I wanted to hear it.

“He’d gotten scared. He’d never really had a serious girlfriend, and all of a sudden, I guess, he started thinking too far into the future. He assumed I was going to want things like a lifetime commitment right away, even though I’d never done anything to make him believe that. I thought he was a nice guy and we were just having fun. He’d talked himself into a panic, and like a lot of guys, once he panicked, he ran.”

“It’s not only guys who do that,” I murmured softly, but Quinn heard me.

“Is that why you and Tuck aren’t talking to each other, Zelda? Are you panicking and running?”

I lifted one shoulder. “I don’t know. It’s possible. Let’s just say it’s easier to shove some problems into a dark corner than it is to actually deal with them.”

Gia nodded. “I get that. From where I stand, I can’t imagine having feelings again. I don’t ever want to put myself into a position where a man could destroy me the way Matt did. It’s too painful. Too . . . devastating.”

We were all silent for a few seconds. Here we were, four women who were all suffering loss and heartache in one form or another. Quinn’s father, Bill, had been dead for over four years, but I knew Carrie still grieved his loss. Quinn herself was reeling both from Nate’s death and the uncertainty of her future with Leo. Gia was just barely existing in the hole that she’d dug herself in the wake of Matt’s inflicted hurts and suicide.

And then there was me, who’d intentionally chosen the pain.

“The thing is, though . . .” Carrie spoke slowly, as though she was feeling her way through the words. “I think protecting ourselves from the hurt is the wrong move. If we’ve known love, real love, then we’re hardwired to seek it out again, even if our instinct is to shy away from a possible repeat of the pain. If we ignore that, it chips away at our souls.” She reached for Quinn and drew her close, glancing at Gia and me. “You’re all too young to give up yet. I promise, it gets better. You’ve had some shitty years, all three of you. But please, trust me. Life can still be good. And you’ll find the way again.”

Quinn sniffled against her mom’s shoulder, and Gia refilled her wine glass again. I cleared my throat. “I think we need to move on from the chick flick and maudlin movies. How about we turn on The Avengers so we can watch some strong women kick ass for a little while?”

There was a chorus of agreement on that subject, and I’d just begun queuing up the movie when my phone rang. I glanced down at the screen, my heart flipping over when I saw Eli’s name on the caller ID.

He hadn’t called me since the night we’d fought, and deep down, I knew it was because he was respecting the time and space I’d said I needed. But tonight, he was out with Leo, and what if something terrible had happened? What if he was stranded