A New Hope - Robyn Carr Page 0,89
mistakes. Forgive her, Matt. If you ever figure out your part in it, forgive yourself. Then we can move on.”
He was silent for a moment. Then he growled and turned away from her.
She stroked his back. “I don’t want you to hurt over it anymore, that’s all.” Because, she thought, we can’t make a good marriage on the foundation of all that rage and pain. “Maybe I don’t know anything, but it seems if you were over it then being with me now would bring you more contentment. Peace of mind. And this doesn’t feel like contentment and peace of mind.”
Even though he had presented his back to her, she curled up to him and eventually went to sleep. Deep in the night she felt his hands on her, his lips on her neck and breast. His touch was so precious to her; she responded to him so naturally. She opened up to him immediately, returned his kisses, held him close, moved with him, took him into her and experienced all the rapture their intimacy always provided. He was slow and gentle until she encouraged him to be a little more urgent and he did what he did best, brought her the ultimate pleasure.
Then he held her close and gently stroked her naked body.
She was almost back to sleep when his gravelly voice came in the night. “I think you have to stop reading psychology or self-help books. We’re fine.”
* * *
In the morning Ginger was getting ready to leave while Matt scrambled them some eggs. They sat side by side on the sofa, holding their breakfast on trays on their knees. There was tension most obvious by their pleasantness to each other. After helping to wash up the dishes she said, “I know you’re itching to get out to the farm and I have a long drive.”
He nodded and pulled her close. “Let’s not fight,” he whispered into her hair. “Please.”
“Let’s not,” she said. “Matt, think about getting out of here. This apartment. You hate it and it’s not a home to you. It’s a couple of rooms. And it eats at you.”
“Where do you suggest I go?” he said, and she could see that dark look coming into his eyes again.
“I don’t know. Go home. I think you stay there half the time anyway.”
“Where will we go when you come to the farm?” he asked. “You know for the next several weeks I can’t get to Thunder Point. You said you’d come up here. I need you beside me.”
“It doesn’t matter about me,” she said. “We could get a room somewhere. We could camp in the hayloft or even stay with my parents. It’s just that... Listen, you eat at your mother’s table because there’s comfort there. You stay at the farm because it’s warm with allies, with family. This apartment is functional but I think it’s like nettles in your underwear. Could be time for a fresh start.”
“I’ll have a fresh start when my house is ready.”
“That’s a long time for you to be itchy and cranky.”
“If we don’t talk about all the difficult stuff, starting with our exes...”
“It wouldn’t have worked for me,” she said, shaking her head. “I couldn’t have stayed in my little rented house and just kicked Mick out. I had my marriage in that house and even though I wanted to end it and ending it was the right thing to do, if I’d stayed there I think it would’ve been harder for me to move on. You’re not happy here. This isn’t your home anymore. And I’m not ever going to live here with you. There’s a barrier.”
He glanced away from her. She could see his jaw tense.
“Just think about it, Matt,” she said. “I’ll still come to the farm to help during the harvest. I’m excited about it. You have family sleeping in every nook when they come to help—I can, too. I’ll bed down with you in the back of your truck! We’ll find a way to be together.”
“Then we’ll get married,” he said.
“You won’t have time to think about anything but grapes and pears and potatoes for a while. Let’s resolve a few things after the harvest. I love you very much.”
* * *
When Ginger was back in Thunder Point people were very anxious to know how her weekend with Matt and the family went. She put on a smiling face and said it was great. But then she looked for a time Peyton might be able to