A New Hope - Robyn Carr Page 0,14
There it was again—he was feeling both lust and rage.
“What is it, Nat?” he asked.
“I thought maybe we could have a cup of coffee,” she said.
“Because...?”
“Because having you hate me is killing me! Please, Matt!”
He took a breath. “I don’t hate you,” he said patiently. It was a lie, he really did hate her. The problem was that he was also still drawn to her. He could love her if he’d just relax and let himself, but he’d be damned if he’d even entertain that notion. “We’re not having coffee. We’re not trying again or patching things up or being good friends. We thought we felt the same way about things and it turned out we felt the opposite way about important things. We made a mistake, Natalie. I have to go now. It’s been a long week.”
She didn’t budge. “And you have to get to bed!”
He ground his teeth. “I’ll call campus security,” he threatened. “And I’ll tell Dr. Weymouth I can’t give any more classes because his department secretary is harassing me.”
“You wouldn’t do that.”
“I would. I should. Now get out of here and please, no more of this.”
“But when are you going to forgive me?” she said, crocodile tears running down her cheeks.
“There’s something I just can’t forgive. Everything else is a distant memory, but that one thing—”
“God, who knew you were so Catholic!”
He clenched his hands into fists. They’d been over this, too. It wasn’t religious or political. It was his personal ethic about marriage, their marriage in particular, about how marriage had to work. There had to be give and take, they had to talk about deeply personal issues, they had to find a way to compromise. There had to be trust. They couldn’t lie to each other. They failed at marriage and it had nothing to do with his religion. As far as he knew every religion shared similar if not identical ethics.
He took out his cell phone.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Calling campus security. Then Dr. Weymouth...”
“Ugh!” she grunted, moving out of his way. Then she stomped back toward the building in her high heels with ankle straps, her short skirt and long legs more than distracting.
He grimaced. He should probably quit this gig anyway. He sure didn’t do it for the money. Most months of the year he could slip it into his schedule easily but spring and fall especially, it was a real inconvenience. It was just that he liked the students. There were only a few who took these particular classes to check off a box or try to get by with an easy class. Most of them were either premed or heading into agriculture or environmental science. They asked stimulating questions, created interesting dialogue and arguments, gave him something to think about. They were sharp.
He thought about going out for the evening or back to his apartment. Instead, he went to the farm even though he’d been there all morning. The nice thing about the family home, he didn’t need a reservation. The door was never locked; there was no possibility his parents wouldn’t be home. If they had plans, somewhere to go, he’d hear about it weeks in advance.
He walked in, found his mother in the kitchen and gave her a kiss. She acted like she barely had time for the kiss. “Coffee? Wine?”
He looked at his watch. “Wine, thank you. Rioja. The red. Do you have a full table tonight?”
“George, Ginny, their families. I have no trouble squeezing in one more.”
“Thanks. I’m starving.”
“And, as you can plainly see, I am cooking. I’ll have you some tapas in a minute.” She put a glass of wine in front of him. “You usually move in and out of this house without a word, unless it’s business. Tonight is different. You’re friendly.”
He laughed. His parents could really read their kids. Even as adults! “I wanted to speak to Papa but you’ll do. I want to give up that apartment—it’s too much trouble. But I don’t want to live in the house. What I’d like to do is build on Lacoumette land. If there’s a space that can be allotted to me for a house.”
Her eyes lit up and she was clearly excited. “For a family?”
He shook his head. “For me. Maybe someday there will be a family. But Mama, I still have wounds to heal, so not now please.”
“These wounds, Matt,” she said. “If you feed them too much they can heal on the outside and keep getting worse on