A New Hope - Robyn Carr Page 0,111

a father,” she said. “You’ll be a wonderful father.”

“I think you knew a few things I never would have guessed,” he said. “I needed to face that loss. I was doing it alone and it just wasn’t working. I’ve never told anyone but you about that loss. I thought it just pissed me off. I didn’t know how deep it cut,” he said softly. His voice cracked.

“Where are you, Matt?” she asked.

“Oh, I’m alone. Of course. Hiding out in the little place I rented for us. Trying to get my shit together before anyone catches on that underneath it all, I’m just a regular human being.”

She let out a little laugh but there were tears on her cheeks. “A very remarkable human being,” she said. “That must have been so hard to do. I love you.”

“I wish you were here,” he said. “I’d hold on to you. You’re the ballast in my life.”

“Did you tell her she was forgiven?” Ginger asked.

“Yes, and I meant it. And I said I was sorry. And I meant that, too, because my God, what if I drove her to it? And just like you said would happen, I feel a little bit lighter. That was a load I didn’t need.”

And it opened the door to his grief, which was real and powerful, she thought. Holding that back must have been so tiring. Another heavy load that he didn’t need.

“Natalie probably did the best she could,” Matt said. “I’m not sure I did my best but we’ll never know...”

“Matt, we all do the best we can at the time. I know you—you’ve never in your life set out to do your worst.”

“Well, you might be wrong about that,” he said. “When I found out about the abortion I didn’t want anything but to punish her. I didn’t listen to her, comfort her, try to understand her or forgive her. I wanted to crush her.”

“And now you’ve both made amends,” Ginger said. “You were kind. You can let go of her and the anger now. Whenever you’re ready.”

“Did you, Ginger? Let go of the anger with Mick?”

“Sure,” she said. Then she gave a little laugh. “Mick is such a comical, one-dimensional character that complete annoyance with his shallowness hangs on, but mostly I feel sorry for him. He’s missing out on a lot.”

“We’re not going to do that—miss a lot,” he said. “I think we have an excellent shot at being ridiculously happy.”

“I think you’re right.”

“I miss you.”

“I’ll be there Saturday. I might even drive up tomorrow night after the shop closes, if that’s all right.”

“Damn harvest,” he muttered. “If it weren’t for that, I’d take a leave of absence.” He sighed. “I’m going to stick my head under the hose, shake this off and go check my pears.”

She laughed. “Call me later. We can whisper in each other’s ears until we fall asleep.”

When they disconnected and she had slipped the phone in her pocket, she put her head down on the worktable and cried. Matt was such a big, strong man’s man it was heartbreaking to think of him crying over the loss of his baby. But it took a big man to admit to real emotions. She wanted to hold him, rock him in her arms, cover his bristly cheeks with kisses, close his eyes and hold him safe against her breast.

Her tears came from the knowledge that they could move on now. They’d really dealt with the past and could forge a future cast in love, trust and hope.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Grace said, coming into the workroom. Troy stood behind her.

Ginger lifted her head. “How did you get in without ringing the bell?”

“I think it tinkled, Ginger,” Grace said. “You’re crying your little eyes out! What’s the matter?”

“Oh, dear. Listen, may I have a few minutes to collect myself? Then I can tell you all about it. It’s not bad, really. I just need...”

“Sure,” Grace said. “I’ll be right here.”

Ginger made an attempt at a smile and fled up the back stairs to that little loft she’d come to love. She washed her face, patted it dry and went back into the tiny living room.

Where she nearly ran into Grace.

“You should lock the door if you want to be alone,” Grace said.

“Oh, man, what are you doing?”

“Butting in,” Grace said. “Look, sometimes we need to cry alone, sometimes we need a good friend to bear witness. Can you talk about it?”

Ginger sank onto the sofa. “It’s really not as dramatic as it looks.