she too would make plans, as Kim and Adam possibly were. She would not let them, or the woman who was texting her, threatening her, take her grandson from her. He was all she had left now.
Finding her preparation of the ground for the new rose bushes she intended to plant therapeutic, Cassie continued digging, images of Josh as a young boy floating through her mind. She pictured him tramping through the mud in his red wellington boots, rosy-cheeked and happy as he helped her tend their vegetable garden. Everything had been so perfect. How did it all go so wrong? Wiping away a salty tear, she concentrated on her manual labours. She was tugging at a particularly persistent weed when her mobile rang from the patio table.
Damn. She pulled off her gardening gloves and headed quickly to the patio. Having finally contacted Jemma via text, she’d meant to keep the phone by her. Wetting her dry lips with her tongue, she hesitated before picking up. They’d agreed to have no contact unless it was absolutely urgent. Jemma had been desperate not to, in fact. Sure now, though, that Kim had lied about knowing her, Cassie had no choice but to speak to her. She had to know whether Jemma had shared anything they’d both sworn to keep secret.
‘I have to tell him,’ Jemma blurted, as soon as Cassie answered.
Caught off guard, Cassie tugged in a sharp breath. ‘But… why?’ she stuttered. ‘What good can it possibly do now?’
‘He has a right to know,’ Jemma said, going back on everything she’d said previously: that she would do anything to stop Ryan finding out. ‘I can’t keep lying to him, Cassie. I just can’t.’
Cassie felt a kernel of anger tighten inside her. Jemma wanted to do this now? After all that had happened? She’d denied herself contact with the child, fearing she would grieve the loss of him too. She’d made a clean break, for all of their sakes. Better that than try to maintain contact, which might have alerted Ryan. It had almost killed her. Had Jemma considered that?
‘Just like Josh had rights, Jemma?’ she asked, a hard edge to her voice. ‘Feelings? Did you consider those when you decided it would be a fun thing to lead him on? Have sex with him without once thinking what the consequences might be?’
‘That’s not fair, Cassie. I wasn’t well at the time. You know what I’d been through.’ Jemma’s voice trembled.
Cassie did know. Jemma had blurted the whole story out when she’d first come to her, telling her about her miscarriage, her depression. Cassie had sympathised. How could she not, having been there herself not once, but twice?
It had been too late to try to convince her not to have the baby. She’d been too far into her pregnancy and had clearly wanted it. Though it broke her heart, Cassie had had to do all she could to help Jemma save her marriage and to protect Josh. They’d agreed that the only way forward would be to prevent Josh being involved in the child’s life. If there’d been a DNA test, the truth might have come out. It would have been devastating for everyone: Josh, Ryan, Adam, Cassie herself. Jemma had understood why. Cassie hadn’t pressurised her – the girl had been aware that if the facts became known, her relationship with Ryan would stand no chance of surviving. She’d been grateful for the money Cassie had given her, which she’d hoped would at least ensure the child had a secure future. And now here she was, out of the blue…
Josh was dead. She couldn’t let Jemma drag it all up. Her own marriage might be crumbling, but Cassie intended to fight for it, to fight for contact with Samuel. If the truth came out, it would be fodder for Kim to use against her. She couldn’t let her.
‘You can’t tell him, Jemma. It would be suicide after all this time, don’t you see?’
‘But why?’ Jemma asked tearfully. ‘Things have changed, haven’t they, with Josh…’ She faltered. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be insensitive. I just want to be honest with Ryan. I have to.’
‘It’s insanity, Jemma. Think about it. Do you really think he would want to know? What will it do to him now he’s bonded with the child? Allowing him to think the baby was his was the cruellest of deceptions, but telling him the person you cheated on him with was more than just a friend…?’